May 6, 2020
Oh my goodness I don’t have the words. I decided yesterday
that I was emotionally maxed out (after taking Sadie to the airport and receiving
my call immediately after pulling into the garage) and that it would be best to
wait until today to open it. We decided we would do it at 7. It was theeeeee
longest day of my life. The nerves were unreal. I had to keep my mind busy with
school and projects with mom, if I sat around and thought about opening it, I
probably would have been sick.
It was really important to me to have Olivia Taylor there. She
is so important to me and I want to be the very best example I can be for her- it
was important to me that she was able to experience this because I know she won’t
get it from any of her brothers and I know a mission would totally change her
life. I want that so bad for her.
I finished running some little errands for mom, and went
upstairs to put my dress on. Avery helped me find the right slip and talked w
me for a little (She is so cute, I needed to iron my hair for this deal, and so
me and avery chilled in the bathroom and I gave her a little tutorial on hair
curling- I curled mine and kinda showed her and then she curled hers while I did
my makeup- She did really good, I was proud of her)
I told her I needed to say a prayer, then I went to the
closet, kneeled down and cried. I was so anxious, nervous, excited, terrified,
confused, and had so many hopes. I tried really hard while waiting for my call
to not have any expectations. I wanted to be in love with my call no matter where
that was but it was hard. And as hard as I tried to keep an open mind, foreign
was a dream of mine especially learning a knew language. I told Him that I
would go wherever He needed me to go and that I would be happy wherever He
needed me. Mostly, I just asked Him for an added measure of peace, and comfort,
and reassurance that no matter the place, it was where I needed to be.
Dad came home from work at around 6:45 and was eating his
soup when Liv got here. He decided to take his sweet time to finish because he
wanted me to know what it felt like to wait haha. He wasn’t especially thrilled
about waiting two days to open it.
Right around 7 we all gathered in the family room- I sat on
the hearth, mom had some cute banners and Sue Ray had given the miller family a
blanket/quilt panel that had the map of the world on it.
I opened up the email link and had to sign into my church
account. I cannot describe the nerves and the butterflies I was feeling- NEXT
LEVEL. Absolutely terrified but even more excited. It pulled up a screen that
said, “are you ready to view your missionary calling” AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I opened
it and it started with ‘Sister Miller’- I immediately got emotional. It just
all felt very real. For so long it has been in the plans and a dream to serve a
mission and until I opened that call it felt far off. IT IS OFFICIAL! I am a
called representative of the Church and more importantly of my Savior and I
couldn’t be more proud and honored and blessed to represent Him.
I read the big paragraph (which I want to go back and read
because honestly I was so pumped to find out where I was going to serve that I wasn’t
quite comprehending everything that I read)
I have heard enough of my friends mission calls to know when
the call is coming. After the might mind and strength paragraph, I started to
read the assignment and I can’t even tell you how I felt.
I have never had such a direct, personal witness of his love
and His perfect knowledge of me and my worries and my wants and my fears and my
dreams.
“You are assigned to labor in the
Italy Milan Mission and will prepare to preach the gospel in the Italian
language. Please report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, September
9, 2020”
WHATTTTTT???!!!
I have been saying I want to go to Italy for YEARS! It didn’t seem real when I
read it. How could this be real? Italy was one of the worst countries infected
with Covid-19. Not to mention there are 50 states, so many countries, and more
than 300 missions in the world. HE KNOWS ME PERSONALLY. I will never forget
that feeling. I read it in my head before I read it out loud, I can’t write the
way I felt. Shocked, there is no way!
I committed about
six months ago to start learning Italian. I joked that I would be called there
and have even hypothesized living there one day. Everyone in my family was
supportive but confused why I would waste time on Italian when Spanish was much
more useful and relevant. I’m not saying that I felt inspired to learn Italian
or that I knew that that is where I would be called- it was totally a surprise on
my end. But I do know that it wasn’t a surprise to my Heavenly Father. He knows
me. And out of the trillions of people on the earth and all He has to keep
track of, He is perfectly aware of me.
It also
strengthens my testimony of apostles and prophets. Especially right now with
hundreds of reassignments for missionaries returning from their calls due to
the virus, with all that they have to do to resend and recall them, I was just
another name in the mix. But there is NO WAY that this is coincidence. Out of
all the missions in the world there are only two Italian speaking missions. How
is this even possible. We were sitting around the dinner table talking about it
and I said, “It just makes no sense” and dad said, “ or it makes perfect sense”
I feel so
LOVED. So KNOWN. Like all of the little petty insignificant things that I have
ever asked Him for or talked to Him about were heard. He hears and He answers-
I was talking to my parents about it and mom said something that hit “You didn’t
need it to happen like this. It will not always work out exactly as you want
and dream and hope and pray it will, but the experiences like this are
testimony builders that are sweet reminders of His awareness of you” It is so
true- I could have been called anywhere and it would have been my mission, but
He blessed me with the opportunity to grow my testimony and grow closer to Him
as I prepare to preach in Italy.
If I had any
doubts at all, I sure don’t now haha.
I was
expecting to leave later in the year for sure. September 9th is
pretty early. It is almost exactly four months away and with a move in the
middle, TIME WILL FLY.
The end of
my call said that I may be given a temporary reassignment if Italy is still in
recovery from the virus but it says that will be determined depending on the timing.
I’M GOING TO
SERVE A MISSION IN MILAN ITALY!!!!!! It feels completely unreal. I’m sure I
will wake up tomorrow and have to reread my call because it is so so so so so
so so crazy.
I was able
to call Sadie right after I got it. I asked her where her guess was and she
said, “ITALY duh” So I asked her to repeat her guess, and she said it again,
like c’mon em you already know that I have been saying it for years. Then I
started tearing up and nodding and he eyes got so wide- like I have never seen
them that big before and then she broke down in tears. Such a tender sweet experience
that I was able to have with her and am so grateful for. Will definitely never
forget that. (she is doing great in mesa and loves her companions and her house
btw).
I have a
billion texts to respond to and have some stuff to finish filling out in my
missionary portal but MAN, I am so freaking pumped.
Dad got
super hyped with me and that was fun. Everyone couldn’t believe it but dad
especially- started talking in that voice when he says “ LET”S GO” haha. We sat
in the living room and watched videos of tours of Milan and things to see and
the coast line ????!!!! Oh my goodness, too pretty for words.
I can’t
explain how full my heart is. Such a relief to just know and such a strength
for me. I needed that. I worried for so long about so many things and to know
that it was all in His hands and that He worked it out just as it needed to be
done is so reassuring.
We looked up
a couple cool things: (1) It was Opah’s mission (I got to call him and talk to
him about it a little, I think he is just awkward over the phone and didn’t
seem that excited but GG is pumped and that was cute to talk to her) (2) It is
the fashion capital of the world! I am worried about my clothes and my shoes
and my hair and everything in between but it’ll be okay. I decided to take my
straightener and curling iron lol goodbye healthy hair haha.
Couldn’t be
more excited and am so grateful for the opportunity to serve the people of Milan.
God is in all the details- there are no coincidences and He is perfectly aware
of each of us and He has a perfect and infinite love for us (I am so so so so so
grateful!!)
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