Journal response
1st week in
Hawaii 10-19 to 10-26
1.
First of all thank you for trusting me with your
journal. It is a privilege to me and I
a confidence that is very special. I
feel like it will bring us closer, help me be more specific in my prayers, and
just be the way to feel closest and know what’s going on in your heart.. like
our end of the day chats- so I am very very very grateful and will always look
forward to reading and responding, kind of like we are talking about your day
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2.
You are talking about your sacrament talk. You were so amazing. Dad was crying part
because of being so proud of you- and part because he was just blown away and so
was I, because you weren’t just giving a prepared talk, you were testifying,
like you said, looking up 80% of the time—because you know and live and love
this truth. So sometimes when you say
you are worried about the teaching part of being a missionary, reflect back to
that talk experience, and how through it the spirit softens hearts and bears witness
of truth. I think that’s what it will be
like teaching- only you’ll be probably more directly led as to what to say, and
you’ll feel an immense love and care for the people who you are able to share
it with. I’m not saying that still isn’t
daunting, especially now where you haven’t done it yet, but I have full confidence
in YOU to be an instrument, and like in
your talk, when you know in your heart that it is absolutely true and your only
motive is to help God’s children find Him, I think it will be a powerful
experience over and over. Granted every
teaching opportunity won’t end in baptism, but I think each one in some way
will be like a confirming witness to you that the spirit is guiding you, you’ll
know what to say, you’ll feel that increase of love that the Savior has for
them and you’ll recognize God’s hand in the little things that go smoothly and
the big things when you have words or thoughts, or experiences to share that
are EXACTLY what is needed.
3.
Talking about your last day home with johnny lingo
and the piano time—keep playing—whenever you get a chance- like on a pday if you
can just go to the church and play.. it will lift your spirits. I don’t want you to lose that thing that gives
you so much solace. Just take the
opportunity if you ever get it. (like in someone’s home if they have a piano)
4.
About the goodbyes (and the homesickness now- yes,
Heavenly Father will absolutely make the broken heart up to you a hundred fold,
it still hurts, but that’s a promise you can cling to and that helps…it helps
me in my little breakdowns—to know that our Heavenly Father knows sacrifice in
a way that is so deep and encompassing, and our Savior knows sacrifice in a way
that was so immense and driven by such great love and selflessness—and because
of that, they do know how to perfectly lift us, sustain us, and bless us. Sadie jokes when it’s hard that she just
keeps thinking that her future husband is getting better looking and better looking. That’s a blessing to look forward to. 😊
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5.
The goodbyes..that was so hard. Sometime a long time from now I’ll show you
more pictures. But it’s that offering to
the Lord to do something that hurts like that, that seals the deal- proof in
action of your willingness to put Him first.
You’ll always have that, like a badge in your heart that you
earned. I love that.
6.
It’s neat how you recognized the strength that
came from that blessing- esp to have felt confident and collected in your
travel- which is a big deal with so many unknowns.
7.
You were talking about feeling a little uneasy
about whoever was going to pick you up etc (while you were still on the
airplane—you had no idea the mess with that corona test that you were in store
for or quarantine or any of it) but like you said, mentally you just tell yourself
that you are going to roll with it and it will be okay- I guess that’s a fake
it till you make it- and that’s good enough to get you through some sticky
stuff—life lesson- I’m not that great at that- I prefer to worry and stew and process
every negative scenario and how I’d deal with it to feel okay enough to risk
it- and then it’s usually not a big deal- so I have a lot to work on in this
area- because If I could better go with the flow and trust it will work out, I’d
prob be less stressed and also cause less stress for those around me. Anyway- I’m sure by the end of 18 months you’ll
be a pro at just taking what comes, without much notice or planning and finding
the best in it. That’s one blessing of a
mission that would’ve been a game changer for me had I been able to go- so it’s
good to appreciate and take note of when you mentally just go there and let it
ride… and then see how it really does just work out.
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8.
Meeting sister Larson at airport, how you just instantly
connect, because of the tag. Motherhood
feels like that a little, like you join this club of people that just get
you. I think as a missionary your heart
is softened towards other missionaries, who you know are putting it all out
there like you are, even if you are at different levels, you can appreciate
their personal offering, and there will always be feelings in common- which
will be so important to remember when you interact or become companions with someone
that pushes your buttons. ♥
9.
It’s good you write down people’s names (like the
ap’s that met you at the airport) You never know who you’ll bump into, or marry
(hahaha) or your roommate will know, or who will become a general authority
someday- it’s just good to have that detail.
10. Interesting
about your first impressions of the quarantine squad= “some are obnoxious and
some are still trying to be cool” Isn’t that the truth- it’s a maturity thing-
some won’t figure out as quickly that it doesn’t matter anymore- (in fact it
will never matter again in your life and that’s super liberating) And at some point the ones that don’t figure
that out, it’s kind of sad because it’s pretty obvious how unnecessary it is to
worry about it and the ones that do get it, will recognize why it never
mattered to the Savior if he was highly esteemed- he knew whose opinion of him
mattered—his own and his father’s. That’s
why he could love the lowliest – and when I see people, like in a ward setting
or youth setting reach out to the loner kid, or the awkward one, it’s so
amazing and so clearly Christlike—because that’s all that matters, the lifting.
I’m glad you know that… it’s like a hurdle others will need to keep jumping
until they learn that they don’t need to jump it after all.
11.
I’m so proud of you for doing the exercise thing-
even if it seems not that productive and especially because not everyone is
doing it—exact obedience is powerful.
You go girl! I loved in your
notes where you wrote down you make or break your mission between 6:30 and 10am…
true and you are all in!
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12. Here’s a
hug, because I need it too—amazing what you take for granted when you have it-
Remember when Julie (the Erickson’s cousin) gave that talk and did that “air
hug” from the pulpit.. and it was so funny and cute--well—here you go [airhug]
I love you so much. You have no idea how much faith I have in
your ability to do this, no matter the obstacle! I loved your notes about how Heavenly
Father wants to transform you—that’s a cool thought. No matter how hard this is, the idea that you’re
going to give him the 18 months to work His miracle in you and that you’ll be
this crazy improved version of yourself on the other side—that’s cool. It’s like a ticket (earned with hard sweat
and tears kind of ticket, with bits of joy and power mixed in) that gets you to
the best version of yourself. I wish I’d
had that.
13. Even if
at first it felt like a weird girls camp, I think it will start feeling more
missionary-ish soon.
14. I’m
grateful you can call home weekly too… I think Heavenly Father knew this
missionary mama would need that!
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15. I am pretty
sure that even if all 6 of you were doing language study, you’d still feel
alone in the experience because you tackle it so independently… which works for
you- and I am so proud of your efforts to be effective in your study of
Italian. (not I-talian). Heavenly Father has a work for you to do in
that language and however that weaves itself, time will tell, but I like to think
of it like, as you dedicate and demonstrate your obedience in preparing and
learning and scheduling that time, that the likelihood of your opportunity to
use it will increase. So let that idea
motivate you-=- be so prepared that He needs your to use it. It’s okay if it’s hard to figure out how to
really study- just keep trying and praying and know that the spirit will guide
you in that effort, and as you prove faithful in it, the blessings will come- and
not just in the ways you want it to, but in the perfect design that the Lord
needs it to.
16. Speaking
of Italian, Dad and I watched the voice and there’s this full on Italian gal
and her Grandma has an apron she wears and it says, “I don’t need a recipe, I’m
Italian”. And when the chairs turned
around for her, because she really was good, and she was picked b Gwen Stefani
(who is also Italian, didn’t know that) they talked about – making sauce for each
other- like that’s the Italian way, if I
like you, “I’m gonna make you sauce!”
Anyway she’d prob my fave contestant because they show these outtakes
(b-roll—hahahaha I can say that now because I’ve been filmed for a commercial)
that show this Italian family in NYC, and the accent and everything it’s funny
to see and it makes us excited for you.
There’s also a Hawaiian guy- who has tattoo sleeves of all his family
and ancestors in patterns like triangles and stuff—and his voice is amazing and
so on his outtakes/b-roll footage, it’s all these amazing Hawaii scenes. Ps… Did you notice I’ve been trying to msg
more beautiful AZ pics.. they are harder to find and mostly it’s sunsets with
odd cactus in front, but I think Sadie was truly feeling a little slighted… so
I’m trying. It’s the place not the
people….
17.
I am sorry about the blood on the toilet being the
last straw but I LOVE that you knew to take that “I’ve had it/I’m weak” feeling
and lay it at the Lord’s feet. It’s okay that it took everything you have to
give to get there. He’s going to sustain
you in the rest, that’s His promise. I
love that your prayers are specific like that…. Sometimes verbalizing, even if
it’s in your heart/head during a prayer, is the best way to really just talk
with your Heavenly Father and to let the spirit guide you as to what it is that
you need to do or to be blessed with to overcome in those moments.
18. I love
the concept of endure, but also bless others in the process. I remember Sadie having that realization in
Ecuador- with a tough comp situation, it was just like that, she said, I need
to learn to love and serve her…then the good vibes will come- that was Hermana
Muldonado, who always left her wadded up tissues all over the floor and was
kind of a hypochondriac… Sadie had to learn how to feel the love- and see her
like the Savior does… and it came—but it was about looking out more than in, to
let that happen
19. Don’t underestimate
the power of a good bowl of ice cream 😊 I can appreciate why you took that picture
of it- it wasn’t about the ice cream, but the tender mercy of those sisters
coming to minister to you all.
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20. I’m glad
you and sister Marble had time to connect in the room in the middle of the craziness. I think being in a quarantine squad is unique
in it’s challenges, and being in a quad or trio will still be like that
sometimes, but when you finally get one comp, I think there will be more
moments of heart to hearts. And that’s good—in sharing some of those feelings
and relating to each other you get that closeness. Of course there will be some comp situations
where you’re going to wish there were 5 others to mix things up and you’ll have
to dig deeper to feel the connection, or maybe just survive it, to have Christlike
feelings about it- but just remember, it will be 6 week experiences, that you can
persevere and grow from.
21. I love
your goal of diligence. That’s a good
one to use like a lens to see where you are at on a lot of different things and
then just do a little better, be a little more exact.
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22. HA, I saw
that note, breath of life, even eternal life, made me think of that closing
production show (wasn’t it called, HA)
at the Polynesian Cultural Center- we saw.
Way to go PCC, subtly tying in a gospel message to the tourist venue. I see you….
23. That’s
pretty cool about reading your Patriarchal blessing and finding what you look
for… I usually go to it needing some reassurance on a particular thing and I it
never disappoints, but when I get to the part in your journal about how you
broke yours down in to warmings, gifts etc, I’m going to study that and do it
with mine too
24. I’m excited
to see Kaneohe though your pictures. It’s
going to be so lush and amazing!
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25. I think
it was sweet of Sister Marble to do that part in Italian of I’m a Child of God
with you. And good job for participating-
You can prob get out of some of it easier if every once in awhile you join in- so good strategy.
26. You keep
saying “pad” for apartment, I know what it means, must just be the Hawaii way
of saying it.. Do you remember ARISTOCATS the Disney movie Thomas O Malley
refers to his “pad”- anyway it’s what I always think of when you say it:
O’Malley:(chuckles)
Keep your whiskers up, tiger. It’s just beyond the next chimney pot. Well,
there it is. My own penthouse pad. It’s not exactly the Ritz, but it’s
peaceful and quiet.
[Trumpet blows]
O'Malley: Oh! Oh, no. Sounds like Scat Cat and his gang have
dropped by.
Duchess: Oh. Friends of yours?
O’Malley: Uh-huh. Yeah. They’re old buddies and they’re real
swingers.
Duchess: Swingers? (pronounce like Swingas) What is a swinger?
O’Malley: You know. Uh, not exactly your type, Duchess. Maybe
we’d better find another place, huh?
Duchess: Oh no, no, no, I would like to see your pad,
and meet your Scat Cat.
O’Malley: Well, okay.”
27. The quarantine
sisters boy stories—just let it go in one ear and out the other, because you
are right- there’s no fact checker, so they can say whatever they want, and it
just doesn’t matter, but yes, gaggy.
28. I’m very impressed
at your BoM reading goal in two weeks. What a great idea. Fratello Ross will be proud! Journal about like dad suggested—that’s
pretty cool and prob one of the things you’ll remember most about this 14 days
when you look back on it in years.
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29. You wrote
how service goes so far in the Hawaiian Islands. IT goes far everywhere, but I can see how service
in the islands just unleashes the boundless love of the Hawaiian people and would
lead to more trust and more openness in sharing your message. If you need more service clothes, just tell
me.
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30. I’m so
glad we could talk when you were feeling on the outs- and that you were better
able to just be yourself and be okay in your own skin after. Sometimes we just need that reset and talking
to your biggest fans are a good way to do it!
31. Your
description of how Sis Schneider will be like Sadie, got me laughing, “super
witty, doesn’t take crap, loud, life of the party” Sadie def has those parts to her personality,
but I think her mission and just time in general has helped her develop some other
more chill parts of her personality. I
love that Heavenly Father lets us all be so different, and like Jeffrey R Holland
said, "It is by divine design that not all the voices in God's
choir are the same." "Songs Sung and Unsung," by Jeffrey R.
Holland, General Conference, Apr. 2017 So Sadie will add some
grace to her bubbliness, and you’ll add some bubbliness to your grace… it’s all
good, but who you are is who you are designed to be…and all the personality traits
that you possess will be a blessing to your future family and so it’s neat to
see how we improve and change, but also how the Lord loves us just as we are
and we can be okay with us just as we are- enough- without trying to be anybody
else.
32. I love
that confirmation and affirmation you wrote when you said that there is a great
thing about knowing you are where the Lord needs you. That’s a great thought and so reassuring, because
you can be absolutely sure of it, no second guessing.
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33. Just got
to your patrirtical blessing study- so amazing.
Dad and I will do that. I’ll share
mien with you when I do it. I love that
list of your gifts. I love the other lists too. And, Em, you DO DERVE
ALL THOSE BLESSINGS OFFERED AS YOU FOLLOW THE LORD.
34. You
talked about that desire to get married feeling that stronger since you mission
started.. Sadie has said the same thing and I think it’s because when you are
in tune with the spirit and living your life completely worthy of that
companionship with the spirit, you have a clear vision of what is next for
you.. that’s what the Lord wants for you.
And this time on your mission is a good time to people watch , and you
don’t have to justify it- your focus is where it should be, but its’ a good
time to see qualities in people, to make that mental list of what matters. You’ll meet a lot of elders and you’ll feel
the blessings (promised you in the temple) of discernment and so like never before
you begin to understand how you will be able to know and seek what you need in
an eternal companion. How it will feel right and steady if you are in the right
frame of mind. A mission will help you
sort out what you are looking for in a companion. It’s good even to write about those qualities
and characteristics you see so you can remember later, when you aren’t drenched
fully 24/7 what you are looking for. You’ll
go back to those lists often. Maybe you can even just keep a running list of
qualities that you admire and want to look for in the back of your journal or something-
don’t feel like you can’t ponder on that…even now—not to some weird distraction-
but why wouldn’t you be impressed with an elder who is living up to his call-
as you see how people interact, those important observations will help you define
in your mind and heart what you want to find later. Isn’t it so cool the mental
shift from Instagram poses and wedding colors to finding someone that lights
you up inside and helps you want to be your best- being with someone who you
don’t just love them, but you love yourself when you are with them. ♥
35. I think countenance
is a great thing to work on… all of us can.
There is a difference in focusing on just smiling and letting that light
of Christ that Alma talks about reflect from us—it shows itself in our kindness
and warmth. Smiling more is a great place to start though- because, like
you say, even if you aren’t feeling totally confidence in yourself, you can be
absolutely confident in Christ, and his badge is on your heart…so lead with
that. Eventually it will just become a
natural part of who you are and it will always draw others to you, and through that,
to the Savior.
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36. I’m so
glad you had that food drive and the chance to get out and associate with other
missionaries. You’ll get more of that
with zone conferences etc. in the near future and that will be good.
Well love, that’s it. I
loved every single word. I hope It’s
okay the way I responded… it kind of feels like we’re talking back and forth and
I love knowing what’s on your heart. I
hope your day to day is wonderful. You
are so amazing and we love you beyond words.
xoxo
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