Today you called home for pday and sobbed and my heart broke into a million pieces. My mama bear came out in full force and I just wanted to rush to you and love you up. How grateful I am to know that the Savior is better than a mama bear and her hugs. I know He is the source of strength and peace that you are needing and I have so much faith in your ability to access it. I am BLOWN AWAY by your resilience and your dedication to your call as a missionary, to face so many hard things, and when you feel unsupported from those near you, the only comfort is knowing that The Savior knows His sheep, He sees you and your best efforts and validates your great faith and effort, your constant obedience and your beautiful heart that trusts him so completely. I wasn't sure if I should post this here, but I thought in the scope of all your mission memories, there have been wonderful miracles and times where you have had to dig so deep because the waves keep coming. You are so strong and learning to totally rely on your Father in Heaven. It's a refiner's fire and He has the most amazing work and plans for you as missionary and as His daughter. How I love you....
From: Roarke Miller <drmillerdmd@yahoo.com>
Date: September 22, 2021 at 9:46:28 PM MDT
To: Emma Miller <enmiller@missionary.org>
Subject: I am so proud of YOU!
My Sweet Em,
I want to start by telling you how proud I am of you! When I got home from work tonight, mama and I sat down on our bed and she shared your email with me. I just read it and felt overwhelming love for you. I can hear in your letter all the purpose and intent behind why it is you are serving. It is so powerful, and assuring knowing that you are doing and being exactly what it is He wants and needs you to be.
As I was taking it all in, it made me think of Elder Renlund’s last conference talk, Infuriating Unfairness. I know I send you a lot of talks, and you are probably saying to yourself, “not anotherone”:) I get it, I even hesitated sending this one to you, but then I wised up. If they aren’t given to teach us how to maneuver life’s daily challenges, what good are they? So here it is, slightly modified for Sorella Miller :)
I do know that these talks don’t make the problem or challenge go away. But I believe they point us to higher ground. Solid ground, with a broader view and perspective of how things really are or can be. They bring a desire to increase our faith, focus, and determination to serve and become.
Elder Renlund -
“Some unfairness cannot be explained… Some people are born in affluence; others are not. Some have loving parents; others do not. Some live many years; others, few. Some serve missions where they baptize dozens, others serve where they teach little. Some have Mission Presidents who serve as role models, and meaningful relationships are forged while others struggle to build any connection at all, and on and on and on. Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, some individuals use their God-given agency to hurt others when they never should.
My heart aches for those who face such unfairness, but I declare with all my aching heart that Jesus Christ both understands unfairness and has the power to provide a remedy. Nothing compares to the unfairness He endured. It was not fair that He experienced all the pains and afflictions of mankind. It was not fair that He suffered for my sins and mistakes and for yours. But He chose to do so because of His love for us and for Heavenly Father. He understands perfectly what we are experiencing.
I love this quote from the Savior. No matter how alone or forgotten we may feel, He promises us that He will not forget us:“Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. … Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Because Jesus Christ endured the infinite atoning sacrifice, He empathizes perfectly with us. He is always aware of us and our circumstances.
In mortality, we can “come boldly” to the Savior and receive compassion, healing, and help. Even while we suffer inexplicably, God can bless us in simple, ordinary, and significant ways. As we learn to recognize these blessings, our trust in God will increase. In the eternities, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will resolve all unfairness. We understandably want to know how and when. How are They going to do that? When are They going to do it? To my knowledge, They have not revealed how or when. What I do know is that They will.
In unfair situations, one of our tasks is to trust that “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Jesus Christ overcame the world and “absorbed” all unfairness. Because of Him, we can have peace in this world and be of good cheer. If we let Him, Jesus Christ will consecrate the unfairness for our gain. That means Emma, these experiences, if you let them, can mold you into becoming even more like the Savior. They can increase your capacity and desire to show compassion, and empathy. They can help you develop Christlike attributes and develop righteous principles such as humility, longsuffering, and charity. He will not just console us and restore what was lost; He will use the unfairness for our benefit. When it comes to how and when, we need to recognize and accept, as did Alma, that “it mattereth not; for God knoweth all these things; and it sufficeth me to know that this is the case.”
Here is a Journal Challenge. Take some time to ponder things you’ve learned these past two months in Italy. What are positive takeaway lessons from the good and the bad? Things you might not otherwise have learned, things that will help you in your life. These are blessings, gleaned in the midst of trial and struggle. Cherish this list, add to it. I promise you that you will look back on these experiences with a grateful heart rather than a dreaded memory of these months and this part of your mission for the Savior.
Cakes, a small piece of advice, and I recognized it’s much easier for me to say and give having not been in your shoes. It is frustrating when others make assumptions and judgement about us, especially when we feel they really don’t know us or our situation. It seems so unfair, because we know the reality of the situation, and the intent behind it all. My advice would be to step back when things aren’t so fresh and deep, and remember that our perception of how someone handles their response or behavior is similarly assumptive of their motive or intentions. Perhaps we too are seeing things unclearly. I’m not defending Sister Browning. Trust me, I wanted to jump on a plane and fly through the night to give her a piece of my mind, “Don’t talk to my daughter like that! She’s the best missionary you’ve ever had here!” But I do believe, no matter how poorly it was delivered, no matter how many social cues and social skills she may be lacking, she is really there to help missionaries. To again quote Elder Renlund, “Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good.” Emma, you are always better off forgiving and moving forward. You are doing that! I think you get that from your mama.
As we develop faith in Jesus Christ, we should also strive to become like Him. We then approach others with compassion and try to alleviate unfairness where we find it; we can try to make things right within our sphere of influence. Indeed, the Savior directed that we “should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.”
Elder Renlund shared a story teaching that self-righteousness, fear, and anger have caused even Christians to hurl stones at people who stumble. Not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.
How we deal with advantages and disadvantages is part of life’s test. We will be judged not so much by what we say but by how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged. As Latter-day Saints, we seek to follow the Savior’s example, to go about doing good. We demonstrate our love for our neighbor by working to ensure the dignity of all Heavenly Father’s children.
Emma I admire how you took the higher road in all of this. You showed your true character by forgiving and letting go. Focusing on making your companionship stronger. In that difficult circumstance you chose to do as He would have done. You might be rolling your eyes saying to yourself you could have done better. He doesn’t want perfection, He wants honest heartfelt striving. He wants exactly what you are giving Him. Never stop striving!
With our own advantages and disadvantages in mind, reflection is healthy. To try to see things with an eternal perspective can be clarifying. As we become more like the Savior, we develop more empathy, understanding, and charity.
When faced with unfairness, we can push ourselves away from God or we can be drawn toward Him for help and support. For example, the prolonged warfare between the Nephites and the Lamanites affected people differently. Mormon observed that “many had become hardened” while others “were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God.”
Do not let unfairness harden you or corrode your faith in God. Do not let it scar or jade your mission experience in Italy. Do not think that the best is behind you. Instead, ask God for help. Increase your appreciation for and reliance on the Savior. Rather than becoming bitter, let Him help you become better. Allow Him to help you persevere, to let your afflictions be “swallowed up in the joy of Christ.” Join Him in His mission “to heal the brokenhearted,” strive to mitigate unfairness, and become a stonecatcher.
I testify that the Savior lives. He understands unfairness. The marks in the palms of His hands continually remind Him of you and your circumstances. He ministers to you in all your distress. For those who come unto Him, a crown of beauty will replace the ashes of mourning; joy and gladness will replace grief and sorrow; appreciation and celebration will replace discouragement and despair. Your faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will be rewarded more than you can imagine. All unfairness—especially infuriating unfairness—will be consecrated for your gain. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
I love you Emma. You are one amazing young woman. Yes, you are being tried in the refiner’s fire currently, but look what an amazing gem that is being polished. You are becoming! And your dad couldn’t be more proud. Keep up the fight, keep relying on your faith. Your resilience in doing both continue to strengthen your family. We love you!
Dad
PS What we will miss in these next few months in phone calls together will be magnified in time we can spend together emailing. I will be better at sending those
Poem from Seth sent in an email....
On Sep 29, 2021, at 9:15 AM, Emma Miller <enmiller@missionary.org> wrote:Dad,Thank you so much for this email! I was so sad that I didn't get to talk to you on Wednesday and I'm still bitter about the hour phone call, it doesn't seem fair bit I'm trying to look at it as just another sacrifice in willing to make to Heavenly Father for the next 5 months, only 5 more months then I can talk to you and mama whenever, I cannot wait for that!Thank you for the talk, I needed it. I read it with a different perspective having just had this experience with my mission leaders and also reading it with your additions ♡ i love when you adjust them, it make perfect sense how they apply just to me that sometimes I miss when I study them on my own. While I don't want to admit it, I know you're right about sorella browning. She has the right intentions but went about it in a way that hurt. ( trying not to think of the quote, " the pathway to hell is paved w good intentions " haha) I've needed this week to get some space from all of it, I am still bitter and find passive aggressive ways to make myself feel better and it never works. I'm trying to be more forgiving and just kinder.Idk dad, I just feel really stuck. Like I want to give my all and finish strong but part of me ( and I'm embarrassed to admit thst it is most of me) just wants to be done already. I'm over it! And while i wouldn't ever come home early I feel like it is just as bad to drag my feet and "get through" the next 156 days. Did you ever feel in a rut on your mission, or like wanting to throw in the towel? I have no motivation and just get sad thinking about how much longer I have to do this, and I hate that I feel like that. I've tried to be really prayerful about it and I have read a lot of talks, I know i need to "lose myself in the work and stop making it about me" but I don't know how. I can't speak or understand hardly anything and I can't dive in like I want to, like I need to. It feels like so manyings are against me, every single day is a battle to just stay in the game mentally. I want to be strong for the kids, to be a better example for miles and Avery, to just dig in and finish it but it is SO hard and i don't know how. I keep studying and praying hoping all of this will just go away and i keep getting the answer that some things are meant to be endured not solved. It just feels long, and I'm tired. 5 months sounds short in my head until I think about the daily and then I get psyched out- how did you stay focused and diligent in the last months? All can/want to think about is home.Any advice? :) sorry that was a drag, like the last one. But if anyone would know how to help me, it would be you ♡I'm so grateful for you and mama. Thank you for sending me this. And for being so supportive, I couldnt do this without you! I love you more than you know!LoveCakes
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