Emails from Daddy & Mama

EMAILS FROM DADDY

I love my missionaries! More than you can possibly know. Mama mentioned to me that she asked you both to fast for me today. I was a little frustrated with her that she would distract you with my concerns, but then she said, “Why wouldn’t you want the faith, fasting, and prayers of two of His full time missionaries working for you?” When you put it that way.... :). So thank you for your fasting and prayers. We will be led down the path we are to go I have no doubt. I love you girls.

Below is an excerpt from the book I’m reading titled “I Will Lead You Along (The life of Henry B Eyring). How fitting it is for me to be reading this now, a time I’m searching for direction forward in terms of work.

President Eyring gave this message to a group of students in 2001. I have found it comforting and encouraging and at the same time thought of my two beautiful missionaries.

President Eyring: “Your life is carefully watched over...The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly..... But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness: and all these things shall be added unto you”(Math 6:33).

I hope you found this as comforting as I did. I know I always tell you this, but I am so very proud to be your father and I can’t believe you are mine.

Talk to you soon,

Dad

Hello to my Amazing Girls,

It was so good to talk to you both yesterday. Mama and I couldn’t stop talking and smiling about having you both on the phone at the same time. It brought so so much happiness to our hearts. What did we do to deserve you two amazing young women? We feel so blessed!

I was reading this morning my my personal scripture study the 27th Chapter of 3rd Nephi. I couldn’t help but think of President Nelson leading the charge in this effort to call the church by it’s proper name. I can picture him out in his back yard at his picnic table studying this Chapter and having revelation pour out upon him. Pretty cool.

Chapter 27

Jesus commands them to call the Church in His name—His mission and atoning sacrifice constitute His gospel—Men are commanded to repent and be baptized that they may be sanctified by the Holy Ghost—They are to be even as Jesus is. About A.D. 34–35.

I loved your emails today. You are such powerful missionaries, so courageously bearing your testimonies. Your example is inspiring to all of us! I love my girls! Have a great rest of your week,

Love Dad

I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I am always thinking of you. I love you so much and I love the work you are called to do. Keep after it, especially when it gets hard!

I’m reading a new book. It’s called the Carpenter. It is one of these short business self improvement books, and though it isn’t a church book, it has principles of truth embedded throughout. Here is a little part I’d like to share, because as I read it I thought of it in the context of being a missionary.

I vow to stay positive in the face of negativity.

When I am surrounded by pessimism, I will choose optimism.

When I feel fear, I will choose faith.

When I want to hate, I will choose love.

When I want to be bitter, I will choose to get better.

WhenI experience a challenge, I will look for an opportunity to learn and grow.

When faced with adversity, I will find strength.

When I experience a setback, I will be resilient.

When I meet failure, I will fail forward, toward future success.

With vision, hope, and faith, I will never give up and will always move forward toward my destiny.

I believe my best days are ahead of me, not behind me.

I believe I’m here for a reason and my purpose is greater than my challenges.

I believe that being positive not only makes me better, it makes everyone around me better.

So today and everyday I will be positive and strive to make a positive impact in the world.

You really are called of God to a place and in a season he needs you. You have faithfully answered the call. Press forward with faith and confidence in Him and His work. He will provide for you all that is needed for your success.

With my whole heart I love my girls. I’m beyond proud to call you my daughters. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I get to spend forever with you. Love,

Dad

Hello Sweethearts,

I was just laying down for a Sunday nap, thinking of my two favorite missionaries. I hope this finds you both happy and healthy. I’m sure you are looking forward to the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. We will be watching it with you.

I was listening to a talk this week from last April General Conference. It was given by Douglas Holmes of the YM General Presidency. It was a really good message that I challenged Miles to read and ponder, but there was a part I wanted to share with my missionaries. He was quoting Elder Eyring in discussing how we can see others as God sees them, and that this is a gift we can pray for. He quoted, “What will matter most is what others learn from you about who they really are and what they can really become.” Isn’t that a powerful principle. I thought of the missionary work you are involved. Your message that you are called to share really is unique and powerful. The ability to enable one of His children to recognize their worth and possibilities eternally. They will often learn this by the faithful example of unconditional love and service you show to them, as you have been specifically set apart and endowed with His Priesthood Power to do. It radiates from your countenance because of your sincere desire to do as He would have you do, and as a result of your faithful obedience. I am so very proud of you both.

There is no doubt missions are tough, days that can drag on as you try to fight them from becoming mundane. But I hope you find great comfort and hope in knowing this is His work. His promise to you, is unimaginable joy, as one of His children realizes their potential because of your instrumental sacrifice of declaring these “great tidings!” It will offset all the heartache, frustration, and any trial you will or may face in these 18 months. I love you two so very, very much. Keep powering forward in faith. We are following your lead. Love,

Dad

I LOVE MY CAKES! I hope you have had a good day. It was wonderful to talk to you yesterday. Keep up the fight, it is so worth it. Love you with my whole heart!

Dad

Hope this finds you both well and happy. Though 2020 will be a year to remember for many of its hardships, it will always be a blessing for the Miller family to have two amazing missionaries serving in the mission field. We are so grateful for you two!

Mama has prepared some cute minute to win it games for the family tonight. Every 30 minutes starting at 6:00 pm :) She has made some yummy treats and we will attempt to stay up late. Miles friends were getting together at the Leonard’s, but he didn’t want to go. To much excitement here I guess. Jared and Andrea may stop by with the kids for a bit. I think Miles and Graham are going to go skiing with them tomorrow. I haven’t spent too much time working on New Years resolutions yet. I am looking forward to studying the Doctrine & Covenants this year. I think I will read the Saints volumes again throughout the year to go along with the Come Follow Me program. I’d like to also study the life of Jesus Christ more this year as President Nelson has challenged us to do.

I’ve already gained 15 of the 20 pounds I lost earlier in the fall. It went on about 4x as fast as it came off. Yikes. I need you two around for some support. :)

I miss you and love you more than you could possibly comprehend. But equally hard for you to fathom is how intensely proud I am of you both. Keep giving Him your all!

Here is a little inspiration from our dear Prophet, speaking to the women of the church at conference... but I think applies so perfectly to where you are right this moment.

“My dear sisters, we have so much to look forward to! The Lord placed you here now because He knew you had the capacity to negotiate the complexities of the latter part of these latter days. He knew you would grasp the grandeur of His work and be eager to help bring it to pass.

I am not saying that the days ahead will be easy, but I promise you that the future will be glorious for those who are prepared and who continue to prepare to be instruments in the Lord’s hands.

My dear sisters, let us not just endure this current season. Let us embrace the future with faith! Turbulent times are opportunities for us to thrive spiritually. They are times when our influence can be much more penetrating than in calmer times.”

Maybe if you have time you can read the entirety of his message. Love,

Dad

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Sorella! Thank you Cakes for my wonderful Christmas Letter. That meant so much to me, every word. Thank you for taking the time to write it. You are wonderful! I’m so grateful that family means so much to you, it really is the central unit of heaven. And it’s easy to see why, so much love, happiness, and support lie within the family. We have been blessed with an amazing one, and for that I am eternally grateful for. I couldn’t ask for better children, and the example each of you set for one another. Thank you for always being so respectful of what mama and I tried to do at home. I know it wasn’t easy, or that you even agreed, but I always admired how at the end of the day you were willing to be obedient. That says so much about your character. I love my cakes! I look forward to so many more wonderful memory making days ahead. Thank you for being such a central part of who the Millers are. You are pretty amazing!

Love,

Dad

Hello Cakes,

I hope you have had a good day. I haven't been able to find the talk I was thinking of, but I listened to this one by Elder Bednar that I really liked. If you listen to it I think it might help you with Steve and him not wanting to move forward until he has all the answers or understanding. This talk really focuses in on why we need the Holy Ghost, different than the power that a nonmember feels when they hear truth. The gift of the Holy Ghost, which we receive only after baptism is the way the Lord teaches us line upon line, precept upon precept. Our true growth drawing closer to Him only happens after we have entered in by the gate and have been baptized by water and fire. I love that last bit of his testimony:

"I testify the Holy Ghost is a revelator, a comforter, and the ultimate teacher from whom we should learn.

Just bear your testimony of these truths, and there will be nothing he can argue against you.

I hope that might be helpful. I love you with my whole heart! I'm praying for you. I know that your struggles and heartaches will be for held up for your good. Keep up the fight, I am so proud of you!

Dad

My Sweet Emma,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot today. My heart aches knowing

your heart is aching, yet in the big picture I’m grateful to a loving Heavenly Father to have given you this wonderful opportunity to be tried and tested and pushed to what seems at times may seem like your limit.

I loved this talk by Elder Holland. I think you will find strength

in it. Read it, or listen to it, because he has such a way with words. When I listened again yesterday I couldn’t help but think of my sweet missionaries. I love you like crazy!

Dad

I love my Cakes! Keep up the Great Work. Find ways to draw closer to Him. I thought this talk would be very helpful to you as you continue to build your own testimony of prayer. It really is about getting up off your knees and going to work, and then having the faith to "watch" Him work in our lives. You are BECOMING what He wants you to become. Keep moving forward! I love you with my whole heart!

Dad

I LOVE my missionaries! I hope you are having a wonderful week. I was thinking of D&C 4 today, and I stopped to think about how neat it is that you girls had a “desire” to be missionaries. It is a super hard thing to do, as you have both experienced first hand, but you are still willing. And because of this willingness and desire, He can and will carry out HIS work.

I was talking with Emma on Monday about the importance for those you are teaching to first, understand what a testimony is, and secondly, that you give them opportunities to express these out loud. Then I was listen to a talk by Elder Bednar in 2009 today, and he says it so much better than I can, “ A testimony is what we know to be true in our minds and in our hearts by the witness of the Holy Ghost (see D&C 8:2). As we profess truth rather than admonish, exhort, or simply share interesting experiences, we invite the Holy Ghost to confirm the verity of our words. The power of pure testimony (see Alma 4:19) does not come from sophisticated language or effective presentation; rather, it is the result of revelation conveyed by the third member of the Godhead...”

I am so proud of you both. I hope you know and can feel my love for you. You are so important to mama and me, and the work you are doing is the very most important thing you could be doing now at this time in your lives.

“Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Don’t underestimate the small little things you do, no matter how insignificant or mundane they may seem at the time. This is how He builds His kingdom!

Love, Dad

It was fun to watch Miles and his team tonight. Bud didn’t get to play, but was a great teammate.

I saw Kevin and Shawn Murphy at the game. I went over to talk to them and they acted like they barely knew me. Kevin made sure I knew 5A was MUCH harder than 3A

The best part is mama’s post on GroupMe of Mile’s team going to the championship. I still can’t stop laughing.

I hope you both are doing great. You are in my every prayer and every thought.

Emma, mama told me about your email today. Let’s GO!

Buggy, I had two leads today for Spanish speakers only. I can’t wait to have you at work, it will be really fun. I love my girls!

Dad

I couldn't help but think, that because of your great faith in Him, He will work miracles around and through you. I love you cakes, I am so proud to be your dad.

vai a prenderli! (I don't know if that actually translates, but "go get em!"

Roarke J. Miller, D.M.D.

Happy Saturday Cakes, I sure love you. I’ve been thinking about you all week and any way I could help you or lift your spirit in the middle of this harder stretch of your mission. I kept thinking of Elder Gong’s last conference address titled Room in His Inn. I’ve changed it up just a little to fit better what you might be going through. I hope something from it stands out to you or helps you in even the smallest way. We are all pulling for you and know you are growing closer to your Savior and more like Him each day, especially in the hard times. It’s like little Lainey, when she complains of growing pains is the times she is really growing :)

Elder Gong - In this Easter season, Jesus Christ invites us to become, like Him, a good Samaritan, to make His Inn (His Church) a refuge for all from life’s bruises and storms. We prepare for His promised Second Coming as each day we do unto “the least of these” as we would unto Him. “The least of these” is each of us, including your companion.

As we come with the Good Samaritan to the Inn, we learn five things about Jesus Christ and ourselves.

First, we come to the Inn as we are, with the foibles and imperfections we each have. Those will look different for each of us. To some it might be poor communication skills, or the inability to show empathy. For others it might be not speaking the language perfectly, or having a difficult time always seeing our purpose, but we all have something needed to contribute. Our journey to God is often found together. We belong as united community—whether confronting pandemics, storms, wildfires, droughts, difficult companionships, or quietly meeting daily needs. We receive inspiration as we counsel together, listening to each person, including each sister, and the Spirit.

As our hearts change and we receive His image in our countenance, we see Him and ourselves in His Church. In Him, we find clarity, not dissonance. In Him, we find cause to do good, reason to be good, and increasing capacity to become better. In Him, we discover abiding faith, liberating selflessness, caring change, and trust in God. In His Inn, we find and deepen our personal relationship with God, our Father, and Jesus Christ.

He trusts us to help make the Inn the place He needs it to be. As we offer our talents and best efforts, His spiritual gifts also strengthen and bless.

Gifts of faith and assurance come, manifest differently in different situations.

Second, He entreats us to make His Inn a place of grace and space, where each can gather, with room for all. As disciples of Jesus Christ, all are equal, with no second-class groups.

A family from Africa now living in the United States said, “From the first day, Church members were friendly and welcoming. Everyone made us feel at home. No one looked down on us.” The father said, “The Holy Bible teaches gospel fruits come from gospel roots.” “And the missionaries,” the father and mother said, “we want our son and daughter to grow up like those missionaries.” Brothers and sisters, may we each warmly welcome all to His Inn.

Third, in His Inn we learn perfection is in Jesus Christ, not in the perfectionism of the world. Unreal and unrealistic, the world’s “insta-perfect” filtered perfectionism can make us feel inadequate, captive to swipes, likes, or double taps. In contrast, our Savior, Jesus Christ, knows everything about us we don’t want anyone else to know, and He still loves us. His is a gospel of second and third chances, made possible by His atoning sacrifice. He invites each of us to be a good Samaritan, less judgmental and more forgiving of ourselves and of each other, even as we strive more fully to keep His commandments.

We help ourselves as we help each other. A family I know lived near a busy road. Travelers often stopped to ask for help. Early one morning the family heard loud pounding on their door. Tired and worried who it would be at 2:00 a.m., they wondered if, just this once, someone else could help. As the insistent knocking continued, they heard, “Fire—there’s a fire in the back of your house!” Good Samaritans help each other.

Fourth, at His Inn we become part of a gospel community centered in Jesus Christ, anchored in restored truth, living prophets and apostles, and another testament of Jesus Christ—the Book of Mormon. He brings us to His Inn and also to His house—the holy temple. The house of the Lord is a place where, as with the wounded man on the road to Jericho, the Good Samaritan can cleanse and clothe us, prepare us to return to God’s presence, and unite us eternally in God’s family. His temples are open to all who live His gospel with faith and obedience.

During this life, we sometimes wait upon the Lord. We may not yet be where we hope and wish to be in the future. But we should faithfully wait where we are right now. A devout sister says, “Waiting faithfully upon the Lord for His blessings is a holy position. It must not be met with pity, patronizing, or judgment but instead with sacred honor.” In the meantime, we live now, not waiting for life to begin.

Isaiah promises, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Our Good Samaritan promises to return. Miracles occur when we care for each other as He would. When we come with broken hearts and contrite spirits, we can find voice in Jesus Christ and be encircled in His understanding arms of safety. Sacred ordinances offer covenant belonging and “the power of godliness” to sanctify inner intent and outward action. With His loving-kindness and long-suffering, His Church becomes our Inn.

As we create room in His Inn, welcoming all, our Good Samaritan can heal us on our dusty mortal roads. With perfect love, our Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, promise “peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come”—“that where I am ye shall be also.” I so gratefully witness and testify in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I took some of the talk out and added just a little in. Apply it to your situation, as I’ve applied it to mine. I’ve found it to be so uplifting and giving me a renewed desire to buckle down where I am right now. I love you with all of my heart. In no way is this meant to patronize, I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU! And grateful to my Heavenly Falther for allowing you to be exactly where you are right now, under His watchful care. Miss you cakes! Go get em!

Dad

Good Morning Sweetheart,

Mama shared your transfer news with me this morning, and how uncertain you are feeling about it all. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you “You’ve got this!” If anyone can do this, it’s you. In all your experiences, He has been preparing you to be able to do this. Just look back from the first day you landed in Hawaii, to the circumstances you were thrown into, to your feelings when you were transferring to Honolulu, all of it. Just think back how He was there for you every time. So even though I can’t give you that big hug, I still am saying “You’ve got this!” And He is with you, preparing the way before you!

If you are feeling alone, head to scriptures for strength. I promise you that you will find peace there.

I thought this morning of Moroni, son of Mormon, and the last chapters of the Book of Mormon. Here Moroni was literally all alone, he had just finished abridging the records of the Jaredites and thought his purpose was done. But the Lord left him wandering out there “all by himself”, because He had a purpose for him, just as He has a purpose for you and your “wandering”.

Think of all the truths that Moroni taught in these last chapters of the Book of Mormon.

Ch 2,3- Jesus gave us Priesthood power to confer the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands.

Ch 4,5 -The need for and showing us how to administer the Sacrament.

Ch 6 How His instituted baptism, the importance of fellowship, and the need to go to church.

Ch 7 -He taught us about real intent in our prayers, and faith, hope, and charity. Moroni was a great example to us. His faith in Christ gave him hope, even when feeling alone and wandering, that God was with Him, and that he was for God. This led him to carry on with the sole purpose of helping others, that eventually the Lamanites might prosper from these teachings. This is Charity, putting others needs in front of our own.

Ch 8 - He taught about the importance of the Gift of the Holy Ghost and the need to endure to the end. To be strong finishers.

Ch 9 - He taught us to labor diligently and be faithful in Christ, that the Mercy and Grace of God is unto all who are faithful.

Ch 10 - The Book of Mormon IS true. The Holy Ghost will teach us this as well teaching and testifying of all truth. Therefore Come unto Christ

Vs. 33-33

32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

33 And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ…

Emma, this is what you are doing. You are His missionary. Though you may feel like you are wandering in strange lands, at times all alone, your are His. You are doing what Moroni did, and teaching exactly what He was teaching. Think of that! You are teaching, exactly those things. Continue to put Him first by loving your neighbor, wether in Honolulu or Italy. As you do this, He will bless you with peace, comfort, and joy in His work.

You continue to be a huge blessing to our family. Never forget the power of the scriptures, and the strength they can bring to us. I love you more than you could possibly know.

P.S. I loved my Father’s Day Card - the kids got a good kick out of it too

Dad

Buon compleanno!

My Sweet Emma! Happy Birthday! I hope you feel special today! Your entire family is cheering for you and loves you so much. This birthday may seem lame to you, turning 20 in Italy, not knowing many people and not YET mastered the language. Think of it as a sacrifice, something you are giving up to help build His kingdom. That will make it a little sweeter I think.

We read a conference talk last night with the family from Elder Holland about "waiting on the Lord". Mom maybe sent you parts of it. The part that stood out to me was the teaching of Alma and Amulek in the 32 Chapter of Alma. You use it all the time as a missionary, faith of a seed nourished will bring forth fruit. But in order to harvest that fruit (representative of any number of things, because it is a true principle and can be applied endlessly) we must be diligent and patient. I read Alma 32 again last night before bed, and in the latter part of that chapter it states diligence and patience three times. Elder Holland promised that if we nourish that seed, the fruit will come, as the scriptures teach, by and by. We don't control the timing of the blessing or "fruit", we just diligently keep working, being patient in and with the process, and by and by we will see the Lord's hand. I love this teaching. Don't get frustrated with the language Cakes, just be prayerful for the faith to keep after it. By and by it will come, and it will be a great blessing to you and others. He has a work for you to do.

Put a big smile on your face for me right now as you read this. Know that you are so special to me, and to our eternal family. Thank you for your example and sacrifice and faith. You are a powerhouse, and I am very very proud to have you as a daughter.

Love You,

Dad

Things you might now otherwise have learned, things that will help you in your life. These are blessings, gleaned in the midst of trial and struggle. Cherish this list, add to it. I promise you that you will look back on these experiences with a grateful heart rather than a dreaded memory.)

Cakes, here is a small piece of advice, and I recognized it’s much easier for me to say and give having not been in your shoes. It is frustrating when others make assumptions and judgement about us, especially when we feel they really don’t know us or the situation. It seems so unfair, because we really know the reality of the situation, and the internet behind it all. My advice would be to step back when things aren’t so fresh and deep, and remember that our perception of how they handle their response or behavior is similarly assumptive. I’m not defending Sister Browning. Trust me, I wanted to jump on a plane and give her a piece of my mind, “don’t talk to my daughter like that!” But I do believe, no matter how poorly it was delivered, no matter how may social cues she may be lacking, she is really there to help missionaries. To again quote Elder Renlund, “Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good.” Emma, you are always better off forgiving and moving forward. You are doing that! I think you get that from your mama.

As we develop faith in Jesus Christ, we should also strive to become like Him. We then approach others with compassion and try to alleviate unfairness where we find it; we can try to make things right within our sphere of influence. Indeed, the Savior directed that we “should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.”

Elder Renlund then shared a story about a lawyer that made his life’s work helping those dealt with unfairness in the criminal system. I love this takeaway, “not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.

How we deal with advantages and disadvantages is part of life’s test. We will be judged not so much by what we say but by how we treat the vulnerable and disadvantaged. As Latter-day Saints, we seek to follow the Savior’s example, to go about doing good. We demonstrate our love for our neighbor by working to ensure the dignity of all Heavenly Father’s children.

Emma I admire how you took the higher road in all of this. You showed your true character by forgiving and letting go. Focusing on making your companionship stronger. In that difficult circumstance you chose to do as He would have done. You might be rolling your eyes saying to yourself you could have done better. He doesn’t want perfection, He wants honest heartfelt striving. He wants exactly what you are giving Him. Never stop striving!

With our own advantages and disadvantages in mind, reflection is healthy. To try to see things with an eternal perspective can be clarifying. As we become more like the Savior, we develop more empathy, understanding, and charity.

When faced with unfairness, we can push ourselves away from God or we can be drawn toward Him for help and support. For example, the prolonged warfare between the Nephites and the Lamanites affected people differently. Mormon observed that “many had become hardened” while others “were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God.”

Do not let unfairness harden you or corrode your faith in God. Do not let it scar or jade your mission experience in Italy. Do not think that the best is behind you. Instead, ask God for help. Increase your appreciation for and reliance on the Savior. Rather than becoming bitter, let Him help you become better. Allow Him to help you persevere, to let your afflictions be “swallowed up in the joy of Christ.” Join Him in His mission “to heal the brokenhearted,” strive to mitigate unfairness, and become a stonecatcher.

I testify that the Savior lives. He understands unfairness. The marks in the palms of His hands continually remind Him of you and your circumstances. He ministers to you in all your distress. For those who come unto Him, a crown of beauty will replace the ashes of mourning; joy and gladness will replace grief and sorrow; appreciation and celebration will replace discouragement and despair. Your faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will be rewarded more than you can imagine. All unfairness—especially infuriating unfairness—will be consecrated for your gain. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I love you Emma. You are one amazing young woman. Yes, you are being tried in the refiner’s fire currently, but look what an amazing gem that is being polished. You are becoming! And your dad couldn’t be more proud. Keep up the fight, keep relying on your faith. Your resilience in doing both continue to strengthen your family. We love you!

PS What we will miss in these next few months in phone calls together will be magnified in time we can spend together emailing. I will be better at sending those :)

Dad

Miles decided that he wanted to try out for the basketball team for his senior year at his new high school, Owyhee High School in Meridian, Idaho.

Though it is only September, the basketball team is holding open gym time for the boys to go and play. This week has been the first that Miles has been able to attend due to work. Tonight he came home in tears, it broke my heart. He said that the head coach was there and he split all the boys up, sending some upstairs (mostly freshman and sophomores) and the potential varsity boys he kept in the main gym. Miles introduced himself to the coach and told him he was a senior and asked where he wanted him. The coach told him to go upstairs. So he went. After playing what he called “rat ball” for an hour or so with the younger kids he decided to leave. He said he went to the bathroom, to took off his shoes. In reality I think he went there to have a good cry and to try to gather his composure. I don’t know all the details and thoughts that went through his mind, but he decided to go to the Meridian Temple to walk the grounds and clear his head. While at the Temple is older sister Sadie called him to ask about his “open gym” practice and how it had gone. What a sweet sister! I think she gave him a boost, as that is one of her many gifts.

So here I sit, as a proud dad, with tears of my own. Tears of gratitude for my wonderful children. When I am gone, no longer checking in, or taking every opportunity to teach and encourage them, there they will be, pressing forward and upward, relying on their own firm foundation of faith. They are so capable, willing to do good, and be good. And most importantly they know in Whom to put their trust. So tonight while I have one in Italy struggling, but digging in in her struggle, and another refocusing how to spend his time and energy, and another in college listening to the still small voice to check on her brother, and three other little ones following their big brother and sisters every move, I can say with a happy dad heart, life is good.

I asked Miles what were some of his thoughts while at the temple. He said, “There are more important things, bigger things, I can focus on. I can do a lot better in preparing for my mission. I’m thinking about making some goals, and refocusing.” My little Gus Gus, maturing physically and spiritually right before my eyes. I love him and am so proud of him. Life delivered a blow to him tonight, and though it took his wind for a moment, he came up swinging. That’s my boy!

My Sweet Em,

I want to start by telling you how proud I am of you! When I got home from work tonight, mama and I sat down on our bed and she shared your email with me. I just read it and felt overwhelming love for you. I can hear in your letter all the purpose and intent behind why it is you are serving. It is so powerful, and assuring knowing that you are doing and being exactly what it is He wants and needs you to be.

As I was taking it all in, it made me think of Elder Renlund’s last conference talk, Infuriating Unfairness. I know I send you a lot of talks, and you are probably saying to yourself, “not anotherone”:) I get it, I even hesitated sending this one to you, but then I wised up. If they aren’t given to teach us how to maneuver life’s daily challenges, what good are they? So here it is, slightly modified for Sorella Miller :)

I do know that these talks don’t make the problem or challenge go away. But I believe they point us to higher ground. Solid ground, with a broader view and perspective of how things really are or can be. They bring a desire to increase our faith, focus, and determination to serve and become.

Elder Renlund -

“Some unfairness cannot be explained… Some people are born in affluence; others are not. Some have loving parents; others do not. Some live many years; others, few. Some serve missions where they baptize dozens, others serve where they teach little. Some have Mission Presidents who serve as role models, and meaningful relationships are forged while others struggle to build any connection at all, and on and on and on. Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good. Some choose not to alleviate unfairness when they could. Distressingly, some individuals use their God-given agency to hurt others when they never should.

My heart aches for those who face such unfairness, but I declare with all my aching heart that Jesus Christ both understands unfairness and has the power to provide a remedy. Nothing compares to the unfairness He endured. It was not fair that He experienced all the pains and afflictions of mankind. It was not fair that He suffered for my sins and mistakes and for yours. But He chose to do so because of His love for us and for Heavenly Father. He understands perfectly what we are experiencing.

I love this quote from the Savior. No matter how alone or forgotten we may feel, He promises us that He will not forget us:“Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. … Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” Because Jesus Christ endured the infinite atoning sacrifice, He empathizes perfectly with us. He is always aware of us and our circumstances.

In mortality, we can “come boldly” to the Savior and receive compassion, healing, and help. Even while we suffer inexplicably, God can bless us in simple, ordinary, and significant ways. As we learn to recognize these blessings, our trust in God will increase. In the eternities, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will resolve all unfairness. We understandably want to know how and when. How are They going to do that? When are They going to do it? To my knowledge, They have not revealed how or when. What I do know is that They will.

In unfair situations, one of our tasks is to trust that “all that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Jesus Christ overcame the world and “absorbed” all unfairness. Because of Him, we can have peace in this world and be of good cheer. If we let Him, Jesus Christ will consecrate the unfairness for our gain. That means Emma, these experiences, if you let them, can mold you into becoming even more like the Savior. They can increase your capacity and desire to show compassion, and empathy. They can help you develop Christlike attributes and develop righteous principles such as humility, longsuffering, and charity. He will not just console us and restore what was lost; He will use the unfairness for our benefit. When it comes to how and when, we need to recognize and accept, as did Alma, that “it mattereth not; for God knoweth all these things; and it sufficeth me to know that this is the case.”

Here is a Journal Challenge. Take some time to ponder things you’ve learned these past two months in Italy. What are positive takeaway lessons from the good and the bad? Things you might not otherwise have learned, things that will help you in your life. These are blessings, gleaned in the midst of trial and struggle. Cherish this list, add to it. I promise you that you will look back on these experiences with a grateful heart rather than a dreaded memory of these months and this part of your mission for the Savior.

Cakes, a small piece of advice, and I recognized it’s much easier for me to say and give having not been in your shoes. It is frustrating when others make assumptions and judgement about us, especially when we feel they really don’t know us or our situation. It seems so unfair, because we know the reality of the situation, and the intent behind it all. My advice would be to step back when things aren’t so fresh and deep, and remember that our perception of how someone handles their response or behavior is similarly assumptive of their motive or intentions. Perhaps we too are seeing things unclearly. I’m not defending Sister Browning. Trust me, I wanted to jump on a plane and fly through the night to give her a piece of my mind, “Don’t talk to my daughter like that! She’s the best missionary you’ve ever had here!” But I do believe, no matter how poorly it was delivered, no matter how many social cues and social skills she may be lacking, she is really there to help missionaries. To again quote Elder Renlund, “Some individuals make injurious mistakes even when they are trying to do good.” Emma, you are always better off forgiving and moving forward. You are doing that! I think you get that from your mama.

Elder Renlund shared a story teaching that self-righteousness, fear, and anger have caused even Christians to hurl stones at people who stumble. Not throwing stones is the first step in treating others with compassion. The second step is to try to catch stones thrown by others.

PS What we will miss in these next few months in phone calls together will be magnified in time we can spend together emailing. I will be better at sending those

Dad

RESPONSE:

Dad,

Thank you so much for this email! I was so sad that I didn't get to talk to you on Wednesday and I'm still bitter about the hour phone call, it doesn't seem fair bit I'm trying to look at it as just another sacrifice in willing to make to Heavenly Father for the next 5 months, only 5 more months then I can talk to you and mama whenever, I cannot wait for that!

Thank you for the talk, I needed it. I read it with a different perspective having just had this experience with my mission leaders and also reading it with your additions ♡ i love when you adjust them, it make perfect sense how they apply just to me that sometimes I miss when I study them on my own. While I don't want to admit it, I know you're right about sorella browning. She has the right intentions but went about it in a way that hurt. ( trying not to think of the quote, " the pathway to hell is paved w good intentions " haha) I've needed this week to get some space from all of it, I am still bitter and find passive aggressive ways to make myself feel better and it never works. I'm trying to be more forgiving and just kinder.

Idk dad, I just feel really stuck. Like I want to give my all and finish strong but part of me ( and I'm embarrassed to admit thst it is most of me) just wants to be done already. I'm over it! And while i wouldn't ever come home early I feel like it is just as bad to drag my feet and "get through" the next 156 days. Did you ever feel in a rut on your mission, or like wanting to throw in the towel? I have no motivation and just get sad thinking about how much longer I have to do this, and I hate that I feel like that. I've tried to be really prayerful about it and I have read a lot of talks, I know i need to "lose myself in the work and stop making it about me" but I don't know how. I can't speak or understand hardly anything and I can't dive in like I want to, like I need to. It feels like so manyings are against me, every single day is a battle to just stay in the game mentally. I want to be strong for the kids, to be a better example for miles and Avery, to just dig in and finish it but it is SO hard and i don't know how. I keep studying and praying hoping all of this will just go away and i keep getting the answer that some things are meant to be endured not solved. It just feels long, and I'm tired. 5 months sounds short in my head until I think about the daily and then I get physched out- how did you stay focused and diligent in the last months? All can/want to think about is home.

Any advice? :) sorry that was a drag, like the last one. But if anyone would know how to help me, it would be you ♡

I'm so grateful for you and mama. Thank you for sending me this. And for being so supportive, I couldnt do this without you! I love you more than you know!

Love, Cakes

My Sweet Em,

Thank you for the email. It was the best part of my day and I mean that. I just love hearing from you, it is never a drag, even if what you have to say is the harsh reality. Only too well do I know some of the feelings you are having. You know best, because you typed up my journal. There were lots of days (and if I am being honest, most days) that I didn’t want to be a missionary. I had some really strange companions, the weather was brutal, I missed your mom and real life, very few people were nice to us, and the work was really really slow. You know me, I’m not one to like to knock on an unknown door and I literally dreaded waking up in the morning knowing I had to go tracting. So yes, I understand what you are feeling. But you also know that there are those little glimpses of heaven, like Steve’s testimony, that allow you to feel so much gratitude for even the slightest involvement. And the hard lessons that tear at you and shape your resolve, and the witness of so many who have so little, but have their faith firm in the gospel. The scale is way out of balance when you weigh the good days vs bad from a natural man point of view. But from an eternal perspective the table is turned and the scale shifted. How great shall be your joy in the Kingdom of my Father save you should bring but one…

I really believe that iin no other way can He shape you to be who he desires you to be then from trials.

I wanted to share with you a thought I had while driving home tonight from work. It’s in regards to the prophet Joseph Smith and the time he spent in Liberty jail. I found it a little ironic and funny at the same time that the number of months he spent there was 5. I thought you might relate to that. :)

During those very cold and dark winter days while confined in jail, so much was learned and so much for us was gained. Here is a little summary of that time.

Liberty Jail. The jail has been nicknamed the “Temple Jail,” because Joseph Smith received so many important revelations and had time to reflect on gospel principles while in Liberty Jail. Joseph Smith received the revelations found in Doctrine and Covenants 121; 122, and 123; all of these revelations were received when Joseph pleaded for the suffering saints. Joseph also recorded that the suffering he experienced at Liberty Jail was beneficial, “For my part, I think I never could have felt as I now do if I had not suffered the wrongs that I have suffered. All things shall work together for good to them that love God.”4

When I think of the 121st section of the Doctrine and Covenants being revealed to him while experiencing those conditions, I begin to understand a little better what he meant by “I think I never could have felt as I now do if I had not suffered the wrongs that I suffered.”

Read D&C 121:41-43. No power of influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion by longsuffering, by gentleness and meekness, and love unfeigned. By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypo rocky, an without guile. Reproving bedtimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.

All the lies and exaggerations about him that landed him in jail. All the vulgar and harsh language, the unkindness, and unfairness. The men overseeing him being demeaning, belligerent, proud, and impulsively cruel. And in this setting the Lord teaches him that anyone who operates in His name using His authority needs to be and feel the opposite of what he was experiencing. Never would have this verse of scripture meant so much had it not been given while experiencing this painful time and place. And so it is with our struggles. The really do shape our understanding. Trials and challenges can make some bitter, while others can gain greater compassion. Some can turn away from God, while others grow closer to Him. We each get to choose. D&C 121:34-35 Many are called but few are chosen. Why are they not chosen? Because their hearts are so much set upon things of the world… like getting even, biding time, creating contention, trying to make yourself look good in the eyes of others. Their hearts are not centered on Him. vs 35 They do not learn this one lesson. That the powers of heaven are only controlled by the principles fo righteousness. This teaches us that we can not have the spirit with us if we aren’t striving for those principles. Many are called to go through hard thing, but few learn this one lesson. Keep striving sweetheart. I promise you that you are one that is chose by Him. Continue to choose to strive. It is hard. It is very very hard. What is he teaching you? Seek Him, you will find Him in your darkest hour. He will give you enough for the next hour. And in the process He will teach you if you will have him do so.

So my advice is this. Learn all you can. Even if it is from the hard and painful. Even if it is being taught by what you don’t want to do or be like. He has so much to teach us.

I love you like crazy. Thank you again for your email. You got this Sorella. I promise you that you got this!

You are in my every prayer!

RESPONSE:

I reread this email so many times! I loved it, thank you for validating and then for encouraging ♡

I am so grateful to know I'm not alone in any of this- you felt it, sadie felt it, pretty sure all missionaries have and will feel it at one point but that I'm not alone and things will get better

I was especially negative last week, not sure why but am doing a lot better! Conference was literally so heaven sent. I loved when Brad Wilcox compared our lives (missions) to cross-country road trips and how we were never intended to get from point a to point b on one tank of gas- God provides little "gas stations" along the way fo give us enough to make it the next stop ( whether that is 3 months or just the next week, he always provides) I felt like conference was a fill up for me, like i was running on empty this last little bit but got the uplifting and strength i needed to keep going! (***hopefully that made sense*** :)

I think my favorite talk was by Camille N Johnson about letting God have the pencil to write our stories. I totally related when she said sometimes we don't let God have the pencil becuase we are afraid of what he could write, if we had it our way we would live being lives trail-free but that isn't why we are here and

He knows exactly what we need to reach our potential and become who He needs us to become I loved it becuase I felt like this chapter of my story, my mission chapter, He has written. I haven't always been extra positive or grateful for what he added in there but it had been exactly what I needed amd I know that this trial will be too.

What was your favorite talk? So many good ones to choose from and a never ending supply of personal study material- I'm set for the rest of my mission and then some! I hit 150 days left as a missioanry on Sunday! Ahh! I'm so excited but I will admit I got a little sad at the end of the last session of conference when I realized that this would be my last conference with my name tag- I will miss parts of being a missionary so it was a good reminder to be present and to soak it all up.

I didn't realize Joseph Smith was in jail for 5 months- that is a long time but it helped me make it more personal ( although I have no room to compare my mission to all He experienced there, still it made it more personable) I studied his time there this week and read a really good byu devotional called lessons learned from liberty jail by Jeffrey R Holland, maybe you read it becuase it is so similar to what you were talking about but it was so powerful!!

Such a good reminder about refinement, I feel it! This is really hard and I don't really want to have to go through it, I would much rather snap my fingers and be back in Hawaii or be home after 18 months or at least be able to communicate in italian , but I can see the growth and change that is happening and I know how bad I need it and will need it, so I'll stay and I'll serve and give Him my very best for these last 5. After all, He has given everything for me which is why I'm out here serving in the first place. Sometimes I forget that :).

Thank you for being my constant. You and mama never stop supporting and loving and encouraging even when sometimes if is exhausting or looks pathetic prom your view. I'm beyond grateful for you, I miss you like crazy! I love you more than you'll ever know!

Have a great week daddy! Thank you again

I feel and need your prayers ♡

Love, Cakes

Dear Emma,

I hope you are having a good week. Everyone here is doing well, and mama seemed to have a good birthday yesterday. She printed out your letter to her and put in with the rest of the letters to read all at once. She is so funny that way :) She got after me for not waiting to read your letter to me on my birthday, but rather I read it as soon as I saw your email :)

I've been thinking a lot about you and the next couple of weeks that lie ahead for you. I was thinking also of the advice your mama gave you about now just biding your time until transfers, but to make it the very best you can. Easier said than done I realize. But there were two conference talks that stood out to me in reference to this advice to finish strong, not just finish. One by Elder Holland and the other by Elder Renlund. They both quoted the same scripture of the state of the Nephite people after the Savior had come to visit them.

Elder Holland: “And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land … because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people.

“And there were no envyings, nor strifes, … nor any manner of lasciviousness; and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.

; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God.

Elder Renlund - After the Savior’s visit to the Americas, the people were unified; “there was no contention in all the land.”12 Do you think that the people were unified because they were all the same, or because they had no differences of opinion? I doubt it. Instead, contention and enmity disappeared because they placed their discipleship of the Savior above all else. Their differences paled in comparison to their shared love of the Savior, and they were united as “heirs to the kingdom of God.”13 The result was that “there could not be a happier people … who had been created by the hand of God.”14

If you haven't had a chance to study Elder Renlund's talk, you should take the opportunity. It was a home run! When we set aside the things that bug us (like the example of his father) for the greater picture of what we share in common, great things happen.

I love you sweetheart! I marvel at the sacrifice you are willing to make in His behalf. It is a hard thing that you are doing, there is no doubt. But your love for him overpowers all the hard and you continue to "witness" that you are willing to take His name upon you, and serve Him. Covenant keeping is not easy sometimes, most times. But His Covenant blessings are unimaginable and matchless. Keep up the great work. I love you with my whole heart!

Dad

Dear Emma,

I’m excited to hear all about transfers and your new companion. A fresh start is always nice, a chance to regroup and refocus.

It makes me feel good when you ask for my advice. It doesn’t mean it will always be the best advice, but it will definitely be given with the very best of intentions, because nothing is more important to me than my family. I also recognize that you are an adult and get to make your own choices regardless of what anyone else says, but it means the world to mama and I that you value our input.

I appreciate all the thought and prayer you’ve given these important decisions ahead of you. There are some pretty major ones in your near future and you are establishing a pattern the Lord want’s you to follow as you make them. We can learn so much from our prophet, that good inspiration comes after good information. It’s another way of saying study it out in your mind first… anyway, I see you doing that and I think that is very wise. Even if you get a different answer from everyone you ask, you have been given more valuable information to make your decision. I have learned over time, and am still learning, that answers to prayer often come after we have made our decision and are moving forward giving it our best effort. I think you are learning this important lesson too.

When we pray to our Heavenly Father, we give Him thanks for our many blessings, we pray that we might maintain a view with an eternal perspective, thus keeping His will in front of us and striving to making it as our own, and we pray for forgiveness when we lose sight of this perspective. As we do this we feel closer to our Savior and we literally feel our burdens lightened. Not because they have become easy to bear, but the larger picture puts things into perspective and an order of importance. So is there a right or wrong answer to the direction you should go in regards to your decisions? I would say arm yourself with the best information that you can, follow your gut as you are keep Him close to you and are doing all the small things He has asked of you and them move forward with positivity and focus. If you are misguided, He will tell you.

I have also learned and am still learning that we can muddy the water in our decision making by rationalizing and justifying based on what it is we want. Here is a good example. As Alliance slowly grows I am faced with the decision to move the office location to a bigger building. The choice is really inevitable, but the timing is not. I am really frustrated with the parking at my current location and it is a big and valid problem. I am really not bringing in the income I need to be to smoothly transition into a new space. As I have prayed about it, I find myself feeling really good about making the move now and begin building a building. I know that I can make it work, and that might mean working longer hours or Fridays, but I know I can do it. Deep down this is what I want to do, and it is super easy to justify or rationalize in my head because parking really is a huge problem. And I’m going to have to move in the near future anyway. But then I sometimes think I could be adding financial stress that is not absolutely necessary, and that I should wait as I originally planned. You know me well enough to know I want to go and build now :) Is there a right or wrong answer? Could I make either work? Am I able to take my selfish “will” out of the equation and then ask the question? If I try my hardest to do this, then the answer is avoid unnecessary debt until your financially able to move forward. So today, in my MIND I made the decision to stay, and work through the pain of the parking, and the waiting on new and bigger and better. As I made this decision I could let all the stress I have been feeling go. That in itself is an answer to prayer. There will be frustrating days ahead, but my burden has been lightened.

I hope that makes some sense to you. I know your questions are different, but really they are the same. Can we take out the “selfish will” and replace it with His will. His will, is for us to be meek and lowly in heart, so that we might see the greater picture more clearly. And as we make the best choice we can in this state of mind, we then press forward no longer lingering on the unknown.

So here is some information to your questions that you can gather as you make your decisions. I’ll try to comment on the thought you share in the order you shared them.

* The love and bond you and Sadie share is so strong and special. As neat as it sounds, a Spring Semester at school isn’t going to change that bond. You won’t be able to appreciate this until you experience it for yourself, but she is in la la love land. You can’t take that personally, because we all go through it, but it is almost all consuming. My best advice would be to stay clear :) Don’t tell her I said this, because she would take it the wrong way, but I think anybody would be frustrated in being the third wheel if you were to room together right away. Mainly because you would be new in the environment and their circle would become your circle at first. I think it would be different if it weren’t all new to you, but it will be. I say go and make your own circle and don’t get frustrated by something not being what you hoped it to be. You will still get many wonderful times together with her, but I wouldn’t feel bad about that one, and trust me, Sadie will get over it. :)

* As for Spring Semester, I think what that girl told you is pretty accurate. I don’t think there would be a lot of social, and it likely draws a different crowd of students based on where they are in their education, not necessarily a bunch of freshman. I initially pushed for this because I didn’t want you to feel trapped at home. I think you made some valid points about earning money, that would be a big blessing to you. I just want you to go into it with your eyes wide open. There will be some hard to being here for 6 months. But like you said, there will be some really neat and fun things too as you continue to build relationships with your younger siblings. They look up to you so much. If you had your mind set on working hard, and that was your main focus, I think that decision makes a lot of sense. There will be some hard to it, but I can promise you there is hard in every choice. That’s the way it was designed.

* Here are my thoughts about coming home a transfer early. There will be many choices that lay ahead of you in your life that will be very similar to this one. It could be in relation to calling, or your time and ability to serve in the temple, or how you make certain decisions when it comes to raising your children, the opportunities to choose will be endless. In the midst of making these choices you will always be able to rationalize or justify tipping the scale in the direction that you “selfishly want”. My advice would be to with everything that you have, try to take the “I” out of these choices. To ask Him the question, “What would you have me do?

I don’t think I ever shared this story with you, mostly because I’m not proud of it, but it was a decision I make when I was playing football in high school. It was my senior year and about 6weeks left in the season I hurt my shoulder. I wasn’t all that bummed because my heart wasn’t really in football. I knew I had time to heal up for basketball season, and I secretly was glad I didn’t have to go through all the grueling practices. :) Yes I was injured, but I justified away any effort to try to get back to end the season strongly. I mentally shut it down. I thought I was clever and able to disguise it, but who was I kidding. My countenance made it obvious to my coaches. I felt like I lost some of their respect. As the season was wrapping up our team had an away game. I knew exactly when the bus was leaving and when to show up (just a little late). The bus would leave without me, I would have an easy excuse as I missed the time. It all played out like I planned. So after the bus had pulled away without me on it, I walked out of the locker room and pulled out a basketball from my bag. I had the whole high school gym to myself. I took off my sling and was just dribbling and shooting around. After a few minutes in walked Mr. Mather, the Athletic director and lineman coach on the football team. He was driving to the game instead of riding the bus. I will never forget that feeling I had. Like I never finished strong. I didn’t need him to tell me, I knew. I rationalized and justified and planned it to work out how I wanted it to work out. And it did, just as I planned. But I know I didn’t finish. I didn’t quit, but I didn’t finish.

My advice is fish strong. Take away the choice, remove all the rationalizations, valid or not, and fishing strong. I wish I would have. It is a small thing as I look back, but I wish I’d done it differently. I promise you the heartache will go away, your burden will become light, when you remove the choice. Give Him your all to the very end, I promise you you will never regret it.

I love you cakes! Put your shoulder to the wheel. You are almost there! March is literally right around the corner.

Love,Dad

Dear Sorella Miller,

Hope you are doing well. I’m confident to say without asking that everyone in the family was fasting for you today. It’s one of many blessings of having a missionary in the field, the family is so so aware of you and praying for you.

In our Come Follow Me this evening we were reading in the 127th section of the Doctrine and Covenants. “Let the work … which I have appointed unto you, be continued on and not cease; and let your diligence, and your perseverance, and patience, and your works be redoubled, and you shall in nowise lose your reward, saith the Lord of Hosts. And if they cpersecute you, so persecuted they the prophets and righteous men that were before you. For all this there is a reward in heaven. Keep up the fight, and give it your all today. You can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I can’t believe I get you for a daughter. I feel so very blessed!

Love, Dad

Thank you for your email, it is always the highlight of my day when I see I have something in my inbox from you!

I joked with mama when I got home from work yesterday that I had seen your pictures and said that your companion looks like a 7 footer. She told me she was six feet tall. Did you challenge her to a game of one on one? :) I am grateful that you are enjoying your companion, that is a huge blessing and is going to help you as you move forward. Tell her hello for us and that we are grateful she is so good to you. I can't get over how beautiful the buildings and landscape are from your pictures. I look forward to seeing it someday for myself.

I've had so many thoughts as I've pondered on your email in regards to the things you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing. I made a list on a notepad at my work desk, and throughout the day I would add thoughts and impressions. Now I'll attempt to put those thoughts into something that I hope helps you. This email could get long, so maybe you can use it for your personal study this week.

Cakes, I am proud of you and impressed with how you are struggling through the hard of a mission. I feel an enormous sense of gratitude when I hear you say amid your struggle, "But I'm going to continue to show up and let Him use me in whatever way He can." He is using you to accomplish His work, and He will continue to do so! You don't have to wish that He would bless you with eyes to see how this is happening, you just need to be patient. I promise you that in days ahead you will see with perfect clarity what He was teaching you and preparing you for. And as you recognize His hand more clearly, your love, gratitude, and testimony will deepen.

Frustration with a lot of things has led you to ask some good questions. That by itself is a blessing. Now seek the truth to those questions. Don't seek an answer you may want to hear, or the "philosophies of men, mingled with scripture", that allow a person to rationalize away accountability, but pure truth, as President Nelson challenged us to seek. The pure doctrine of Christ, learned through personal revelation, will help you find answers to your prayerful questions. I promise you Emma that is his pattern in teaching us, line upon line. I know this because it has worked for me time and time again. I read a quote the other day that said "its hard to hear God's voice when you've already decided what you want Him to say." Really seek to know truth to these heartfelt questions, as He would have you know it.

One talk I think we should all read over and over again, and make it one of our staples over the years to refer back to, is President Nelson's most recent address titled The Temple and Your Spiritual Foundation. This talk speaks to what is most important in order to be strong spiritually, strong enough to withstand the "perils and pressures" of our own challenging times. And that foundation must built upon Jesus Christ! The Prophet teaches beautifully the relationship between Temple Covenants and the Priesthood Power of God that we each need and are promised to help us overcome our trials and personal struggles. He said "The safest place to be spiritually is living inside your temple covenants!" That is so powerful! He pleaded with us to "seek - prayerfully and consistently - to understand temple covenants and ordinances." He promised us that our efforts and diligence will reinforce and strengthen our spiritual foundations. That is truth. That is the way Heavenly Father designed His plan to work. That if we choose, we can make covenants with Him that will draw down His power to guide us home.

So your questions I think, at least for me, are best answered there, inside our temple covenants. When you ask me, "Don't you get tired of living at a higher standard?" my thoughts turn to my Savior. There is only one standard, and it's Him. As I think about my covenants, my promises to God, they give me the direction for my life. For example when I covenant to live the Law of Sacrifice, the promise is that I will strive to do as He has commanded me, at all costs. The sacrifice of all that I have and am, to strive to live as He would have me live. Though I fall short every day, he has offered me through His sacrifice another chance to get up, shake it off, and try again to do better. The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us through faith what "better" looks like. It doesn't look like perfection, it simply looks "better" than we are currently thinking/feeling/doing.

The question no longer becomes, why can't I drink caffeine, but rather how can I be a little more like my Savior. Though it is a long and sometimes bumpy road toward becoming like Him, as I live my covenants the best that I can, I constantly feel this desire to improve. Covenant keeping is not coasting, or taking the easy road, or actively rebelling by choosing that which is contrary to His law, but earnest striving to become like Him. This desire is driven out of pure Love for Him, for the sacrifice He has made for us. Covenant keeping brings hope for the promised blessings of an eternal family.

Why are we asked to make these sometimes difficult sacrifices? The same reason mankind has been asked from the very beginning, in similitude and remembrance of Jesus Christ, the ultimate sacrifice. Our sacrifices not only test us, to see if we will choose Him, but they help us come closer to Him. This has always been the case, and will continue to be so, because it is pure doctrine of Jesus Christ and central to our Heavenly Father's Plan. People from all ages prior to Jesus Christ's atonement offered sacrifice for these same reasons, and the the Book of Mormon teaches us that the sacrifice by the shedding of blood ended after the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, and a new sacrifice was to be offered. This new sacrifice is one of a broken heart and contrite spirit. It fulfills the same purpose as the original law, that is it tests us, and allows us to come closer to Him.

Elder Holland summarizes it this way -"When difficult things are asked of us, even things contrary to the longings of our heart, remember that the loyalty we pledge to the cause of Christ is to be the supreme devotion of our lives."

Sacrifice also allows us to learn something about ourselves. It pushes us, sometimes to our limits, to see what we are willing to offer to the Lord through obedience. Here is a cool story that illustrates this principle given by President Ballard -

Brother Truman G. Madsen tells about a visit he made to Israel with President Hugh B. Brown, an Apostle of the Lord who served as both Second and First Counselor in the First Presidency. In a valley known as Hebron, where tradition has it that the tomb of Father Abraham is located, Brother Madsen asked President Brown, “What are the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?” After a short moment of thought, President Brown answered, “Posterity.” Brother Madsen writes: “I almost burst out, ‘Why, then, was Abraham commanded to go to Mount Moriah and offer his only hope of posterity?’ “It was clear that [President Brown], nearly ninety, had thought and prayed and wept over that question before. He finally said, ‘Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham’”.

I love this story. It is so relatable. Why, if a missionary is to teach the Gospel, and bring souls to Christ, why then is it so hard on the messenger? You could ask , "Why, when I expected a mission to be a time of spiritual high do I feel so spiritually drained and unsure for months on end? Abraham was promised that he would have posterity, greater than the sands of the sea, yet he was moments away from ending any chance at posterity at all in his willingness to sacrifice his only son Isaac. Why? We can insert our name in place of Abraham's. Emma needed to learn something about Emma. Something greater than anything else, and that is that you are indeed a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for you. The gate is narrow and few there be that find it, but in His infinite love, he has shown you the way and provided all that is necessary, most importantly the sacrifice of His Only Begotten, if you will but choose to follow. And Cakes you are choosing Him. You are learning it, line upon line, and hard upon hard. Don't get frustrated that you aren't there yet, or haven't experienced the picture perfect mission, or feel worn out and discouraged at times, and for long periods of time. What he wants you to learn is that this is a process, to become, not an event. He wants most for you to understand His pattern of how to receive more light and knowledge and in whom to put your complete trust. And you are doing those very things, so keep your head high, and "keep showing up."

In the Lectures on Faith given by the Prophet Joseph Smith we learn this truth - “Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; … it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God. When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth’s sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. Under these circumstances, then, he can obtain the faith necessary for him to lay hold on eternal life”

I hope this begins to help answer your questions. This is just is just the beginning of understanding one of our covenants. It's a lifelong process. Take the challenge from our Prophet, study and learn more about your covenants and the associated ordinances, and their purpose for you individually. Instead of looking at others to gauge the height of your bar, or trying to decide where that bar can be comfortably placed, and still gain the "reward", go to your Heavenly Father in prayer. Pray not asking what is and isn't ok, but how can you become more like His son. He will prompt you to move forward in some aspect of your life. Walk, don't run, and make this your life's work and purpose, His will becoming your own. With my whole heart Emma, I plead with you to keep seeking His truth. He set the bar! It is a heart, broken yet full of hope in Him. It is your contrite spirit, that is willing to sacrifice all, to align your will with His. You will always be making fine tune adjustments to become better. It's called repentance, daily repentance. A person might be watching PG-13 movies today, or drinking Pepsi, or wearing multiple ear piercings, or using foul language, or any number of things, but if they are striving to draw closer to Him, it is not what can and can't do, rather how is the Holy Ghost drawing me closer to Him today? It's the conduit of "personal revelation" that our prophet has taught us will guide our choices, prompting us to follow the words of His holy prophets. We then choose to watch things that are uplifting, live each law and standard more fully as we are taught and understand their truths, Therefore removing caffeine is a step in the process of striving to be more exact in ones obedience, or the excess jewelry is removed as we feel prompted to live with more meekness and faith. The spirit of revelation will lead me to make higher and holier decisions. Those decisions will have zero to do with what others around me are doing. It becomes a very personal journey of seeking, striving and improving. This drives our decision making, and not some shifting worldly standard. I love President Nelson's talk a year or two ago about keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. He said it's not a matter of making a list of what I can and can't do on Sunday, it's about my choices, and "What sign do I want to give God? Then the list or the drifting artificial standard bar of others goes away, and we simply live our lives to please God, and to show Him our love by obedience to His laws.

One last thought while we are speaking of laws, I think it is important to understand that the adversary's teaching which flaunts the idea that one can not strive to live up to their full potential (because the bar is too high and the ask is to great), yet obtain the same reward of someone else who by our judgment is living to that lower standard but obtaining the reward we seek, is false. This is what that adversary would have you believe. This is not truth. The scriptures are full of teachings that put to rest this false notion. We will be judged by the intents of our heart, our strivings within, and the choices me make. We will be given seven times seventy chances (which is intended I believe to mean unlimited) to repent and keep trying, but we must be striving. When we stop trying and we begin coasting, and adjusting the bar, the reward is much different. Salvation will come to all who have been born to the earth, because of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Exaltation is an entirely different matter. The glory of a persons salvation will differ based on their obedience to His laws and commandments. Hence the different kingdoms and glories. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read that those who inherit a terrestrial glory are those who are not valiant in their faith or testimony of Christ. It is a slippery slope to take it upon ourselves to be the judge of whose heart is valiant and whose is lazy, or half hearted. I think we miss the bigger picture of the driving force behind a person's desire to magnify their calling and keep their covenants. A person can't coast and at the same time be a temple covenant keeper. Nor can we seek a lower man made standard, and expect a God given inheritance of all that He has.

Another thought process that is man made and dangerously believed, is that it is unfair for one who works harder and longer to get paid the same as one who "appears" to have it easier, and has given less. Jesus taught this by parable in Mathew Chapter 20.

1 For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which went out early in the morning to hire laborers into his vineyard.

2 And when he had agreed with the laborers for a penny a day, he sent them into his vinyard.

3 And he went out about the third hour, and saw others standing idle in the marketplace,

4 And said unto them; Go ye also into the vineyard, and whatsoever is right I will give you. And they went their way.

5 Again he went out about the sixth and ninth hour, and did likewise.

6 And about the eleventh hour he went out, and found others standing idle, and saith unto them, Why stand ye here all the day idle?

7 They say unto him, Because no man hath hired us. He saith unto them, Go ye also into the vineyard; and whatsoever is right, that shall ye receive.

8 So when even was come, the lord of the vineyard saith unto his steward, Call the laborers, and give them their hire, beginning from the last unto the first.

9 And when they came that were hired about the eleventh hour, they received every man a penny.

10 But when the first came, they supposed that they should have received more; and they likewise received every man a penny.

11 And when they had received it, they murmured against the good man of the house,

12 Saying, These last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day. (if we are not careful, pride which is competitive by nature, will allow us to see those who worked shorter hours, and who have not been perceived by us to have borne the burden of living a higher standard, yet received that same reward, as taking the easier and more enjoyable road)

13 But he answered one of them, and said, Friend, I do thee no wrong: didst not thou agree with me for a penny?

14 Take that thine is, and go thy way: I will give unto this last, even as unto thee.

15 Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own? Is thine eye evil, because I am good?

16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.

The Savior is always calling on those who are idle, asking them to change, to repent, and to follow Him. His entire work and glory rests on this truth, therefore He make covenants with His each of us, that He might guide is back to our Heavenly Father.

I will end with this challenge. We keep the first and great commandment of loving God, by keeping His second great commandment. My challenge is that for the month of November (3 short weeks left) write in your journal by day the good you do for others. It could look like a million different things, but in your morning prayers, pray for opportunities to do good. Don't tell anyone what you are doing, but just do good and record it daily. And then in a second column in your journal, write down what you are thankful for from that day. Challenge accepted?

Here is a primary song to help (the chorus is changed up just a bit :)- What you are being taught in all of this is how to let go. How to let go of yourself. How to let go of home, and family, and all the Facebook fakeness. How to let go of what others think of you, and the counting of days and time, and all your expectations you feel you are missing. Letting go of all of it as a sacrifice and reminder of Him who gave everything for you. So much easier said than done, but the best way I know forward is thinking of lifting another. So take this challenge.

Maybe one thing you could pray for for our family is that we might take this month of November and show our gratitude to our Heavenly Father by showing kindness to His children .So the family will take this challenge with you(or at least I will, and I'll invite the family to join :) I love you Emma! So so so much! You are an amazing blessing to our family, and an amazing missionary! Keep showing up and becoming. I think you are doing a marvelous job! Love, Dad

1. Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

[Chorus]
Then wake up and do something more
Than dream of your airplane ride home.
Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,
A blessing of duty and love.
2. There are chances for work all around just now,
Opportunities right in our way.
Do not let them pass by, saying, “Sometime I’ll try,”
But go and do something today.
’Tis noble of man to work and to give;
Love’s labor has merit alone.
Only he who does something helps others to live.
To God each good work will be known.

RESPONSE:

Daddy!

Thank you for your email and your insights, it was such a blessing to me this week! I used different parts of it for my personal study this whole week, one day was the parable, one day was pres Nelson's talk, I basically rewrote your whole email in my study journal and it was so special to me! It helped me start in the direction I needed but didn't know! That was a beefy email,, it must have taken a long time to think out and type and it made me special to know that you were thinking about it. Thank you.

And then your come follow me email, 2 in one week, thank you

Oh man dad. I wish I could say it fixed everything, this week was tough but it definitely fave me something to cling to. I reread it and tried to study and pray about it a lot this week. Slowly but surely time is passing and I'm just trying to make the most of it while getting through this. Your email led me to a byu devotional titled "lessons from the Potter & clay" it was from 1995 and when the video panned the room all of the students looked so old school haha, then I realized that was you and mom haha. Anyway, fhe devo was so good! And it was talking but being pliable in the hands of the Savior and how our covenants are the things that keep us centered on His wheel. I wish I had the chance to go to the temple more regularly. I've only been twice and I feel like there is so much I forgot and obviously so much I don't understand. But I'm trying to be prayerful about it. I want to make a habit of going to the temple when I get home. I loved when President Nelson said, "If you don't yet love going to the temple, go more not less" it felt like he was talking directly to me so I plan on taking him up on his challenge .

Speaking of, I took you up on yours. I've been making a two column list of little service opportunities and things I'm grateful for. It has been cool to think back through the day, even the hard ones that seem like there wasn't a single good thing, to recognize that I am so blessed. I've struggled BIG time with my companion this week. True colors came out fast and she scares me! But as I started writing the little kind things I could do, it helped me to be softer, to recogniE that I wasn't ve as kind as i ahould have been and fo regroup.

At the end of your mission was it harder to get along with your companion? Sometimes if feels like it doesn't matter who I get stuck with next, I'm just tired of dealing with someone random for 24/7 and working together all of the time, like I'm over it!! I know that is a bad attitude and if my past 2 comps have been rough that is probably a good indicator thst I'm the one with the issue, I'm working on it. Your challenge has helped me a lot this week, just to be aware of where I can serve or let something go. Today at the grocery store ( this is like the only grocery store that sells salsa fhaf we both love hah) I had gotten to the aisle first and grabbed fhe last jar, later when I had finished I went to find my comp and she was standing by the salsa, she was bummed there wasn't any and I knew how much she loved it. I had only grabbed it to add in with my chicken and there was another BBQ salsa that would work good too, so, thinking about your challenge, I put the salsa out of my bag and acted like I found a misplaced jar, she was so excited and it made me feel good to know she was happy. It is such a small and stupid example, but there were just lots of random times this week that I initially wanted to be short or snippy with her (and it may sometimes have been perfectly justifiable and fair) but I thought of my chart and your challenge. Obviously I need to get to a place where I do that naturally without a challenge but it is a good starting point so thabk you !

I love you so much dad! I wrote in my journal this week, we went and visited a couple with their 3 kids, it was obvious that there was tension between the husband and wife (w very different dreams an goals) and they didn't put on a front when we came over, it just made me stop and appreciate you and mama and the example you are to me, the family rules you established, and the way you treated mama. you are the best dad I could ever ask for and I just feel so grateful! I'll add it to my list ;). Have the best week, I miss you.

Cakes

Dear Emma,

Thank you for your email, I love hearing about how you are doing. I miss talking to you on the phone, and I always call mama in the middle of my day when I get a second to hear every detail. She is always great about never leaving anything out, and I appreciate that so much.

You asked if at the end of my mission if it were harder to get along with my companion. I remember that being a struggle from day one, and never stopping, so I can’t say it got harder later on. I was getting ready for work the other day you called and mama asked if I had anything I wanted to tell you. I actually had been thinking about that, so I asked her to ask you to write down in order and length of time all your companions and areas. Then, looking back with 20/20 hindsight vision, what can you now see as a blessing that came from that time and person. We can learn from everyone. Sometimes that is hard to see in the moment, so it is good to reflect on after some time has past. For kick, I’ll jot down what I remember :)

1) Elder Hall - My MTC companion. What can I say, probably the weirdest kid I had ever met. Defiantly quiet, with interests that I couldn’t wrap my head around, like cross-stitching. He made everything weird and difficult. I was just in the MTC for a short few weeks, but I was counted the days from day one. What did I learn from him looking back? That he chose to be a missionary just like I did. Knowing that being social wasn’t his thing, he chose to be obedient. I learned that everyone responds to genuine kindness, maybe not in the way I would like them to, but in a way that made them feel better about themselves. I learned that I could make fun of someone very easily and join the crowd because it was so obvious, or I could choose to watch carefully how I responded and what message I was giving others. I wasn’t always perfect, but I remember being aware, and that has been a great lesson to learn.

2) Elder Belnap - My Trainer. He had a girlfriend like I did and that made him seem relatable. I think we shared more in common like sports and being a “cool kid”. What I learned most from him was that “cool” wasn’t as important to me as I thought. He was into his image, his bike, his vibe, and the kind of image he had in the district. There, early on in my mission I learned I didn’t ever want to be that! I wanted to be known for my work ethic, my willingness to be obedient, and for my love of the gospel. Those were very different things than what I was being trained. I learned who I wanted to be, and what my purpose was.

3) Elder Dennis - He was an interesting one. From Alaska, and very concerned with the image he portrayed. Wanting to impress the right person in any given situation. I never felt super close to him.

4) Elder Lo - I was in a trio with Elder Lo and Dennis I think for just one transfer. Elder Lo taught me meekness. That a person really could be without guile, so very kind. I learned that I was a leader for good or bad, and that there were some people who would just follow. This made me very aware that I wanted to set a good example.

5) Elder Smith - A giant hairy teddy bear. Maybe with a little bit of special needs now that I think about it. Very much a follower, and emotionally needy. I struggled with him because I felt like I was working alone with a tag along. I learned that keeping others motivated was part of my stewardship.

6) Elder Houston - He took the cake in weirdness from my MTC comp. This guy taught me so much. Mostly that the spirit of contention completely thwarts the work. I wanted to punch the guy most of the time. I learned that I never wanted to live in a dump, that cleanliness was very important to me. I learned that arguing never accomplished anything. I learned that a person could pass time and accomplish very little, and no one would really know. I learned that to tolerate meant to passively get by, and that was’t how I was to spend my time. But I also learned, everyone has feelings, and not all books can be read by their cover, not matter how detailed the cover.

7) Elder Poole - He was a giant baby faced marshmallow of a guy from Botton, TX. I learned that people from Texas really do think they are bigger and better than everyone. :) He was a nice guy and not so good of a missionary. I learned that it was easy to find a legitimate excuse for almost anything. Justification and rationalization are skills that are learnable. I also learned that this isn’t who I wanted to be. I leaned that if we are going to be here, lets make the most of it, and not try to do the least we can with the hand we are dealt.

8) Elder Durrant - in the office. He was the finance guy and I was the car guy. He was a 6-4 skinny red head who hadn’t played a sport in his life. More of an intellect with a very dry sense of humor. I think from him I learned you can have fun with someone you don’t even have anything in common with, no matter how “different” they may be. We didn’t see eye to eye all the time, but I learned to let things go that didn’t matter a little quicker than I may have used to.

9) Elder Archibald. It’s interesting, President Peterson let me choose my last spot, therefore my last companion. I chose Archibald because he was a hard worker, and was only about a year into his mission. As I look back, he is honestly the one I remember least. I don’t remember a lot of those days good or bad. It’s funny how the hard ones really do teach you more. More of what you want to be or not be, and especially more of how to be Christlike in dealing with others.

I may have missed one or two somewhere in there.

So to answer your question, was it hard with my companions? YES! Was the work slow and sometimes (most times) painful? YES! Did I look up at most planes? EVERY ONE!

Did I miss your mom and worry if she would be there when I got home? EVERY DAY!

Did I wake up hoping to be better, and searching for the motivation to keep trying to improve? EVERY MORNING! Would I do it all again? ABSOLUTELY! Why, because it really has formed me into who I am. It really has shaped me into the kind of person I hope to become. I learned so many things about myself and about others when it comes to what it means to be a valiant disciple of Jesus Christ. I learned that I’m not a quitter, even when quit is screaming in my ear. I really learned that the grass is NEVER greener on the other side. The other side will have it’s own trials and struggles, but when we get to what we think is the “greener side”, guess what, we are there. We are there will all our same flaws and imperfections. All our same biases and habits. So the big lesson is it’s not where I am or what I am doing, but how am “I” growing where I am right now. We create the “greener” right where we are now. I very much believe that!

That is why I tell you not to be so hard on yourself. Not that my missionary experience is some standard to compare to, but I think it is real. I also think it is closer to the norm. But that isn’t portrayed, and I think that is good too. Be real, but be positive. Accept that it’s hard, but strive for making it better. Making you better! Like Brother Wilcox said, “Being honest about your actions and taking steps to move forward is not being a hypocrite. It is being a disciple.” Be a disciple! Keep striving! There isn’t a moment in the future where the struggle goes away. But there is a feeling in your heart that comes when you can feel Him light your burden and make it doable one day at a time.

I love you Cakes! I loved your story about the last jar of salsa. That’s what being a disciple is. That’s what He would have done. You are His disciple, and you are making a difference. “By small and simple means….

Love, Dad

Hello Sweetheart,

I hope you are doing well and had a great Sabbath day to rejuvenate you for the week to come. I thought I would sent you a quick email sharing with you a little of our Sunday.

At Come Follow Me tonight Miles shared a scripture about missionaries. It was meaningful and very motivating to him. Doctrine and 133:57-58 in speaking about the blessing to the faithful who hear the Gospel message and are obedient:

57 And for this cause, that men might be made partakers of the glories which were to be revealed, the Lord sent forth the fulness of his gospel, his everlasting covenant, reasoning in plainness and simplicity—

58 To prepare the weak for those things which are coming on the earth, and for the Lord’s errand in the day when the weak shall confound the wise, and the little one become a strong nation, and two shall put their tens of thousands to flight.

59 And by the weak things of the earth the Lord shall thresh the nations by the power of his Spirit. I thought of you and Sadie, and now Miles preparing to go out two by two filled with the Spirit and the message of Hope to all the world. Overwhelming to think about being a part of it all.We had a Stake Youth Fireside tonight and the topic was gratitude. A video clip was shared from President Monson of his address in October 2010 called The Divine Gift of Gratitude. See if you can listen to it or at lease read it. He shares a cool story at the end that was powerful about expressing gratitude in our hearts.

This quote was also shared given by Elder Faust -

“A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.”

Contentment is a gift that can be cultivated and strengthened by feelings and expression of gratitude. I love that thought, it brings peace just by simply giving it a quite place in our mind and heart.

Miles received his Patriarchal Blessing this afternoon. It was powerful. Maybe someday in the future he would feel inclined to share some of it with you. Speaking of gratitude, it made me feel very blessed and grateful for amazing children with so much potential.

It reminded me of the time you received your blessing, what a highlight for a parent!

I love you more than you could possibly know! Have a great week. I'll be think of you all along the way. Share His light with all you come in contact with, it can be felt by all if they choose to feel it.

Love, Dad

Hi Cakes,

I hope you are doing well. I talked to mama on my drive over to Southridge this afternoon and she caught me up. I'm anxious to talk to you next week when I have a little time off. Mama said that things with your companion are a little interesting. Sometimes I'm sure you wonder (if not always wonder :) why the hits keep on keeping on. When do they end, or when does this become easier. I don't know the answer to that. You can look around and probably rightfully judge that some peoples burdens are for a lifetime. Clearly this current struggle of yours isn't that, but I'm sure there are some days it feels like it.

One of many things I love about the scriptures are all the lessons we can learn from others stories. They seem so applicable, and sometimes it feels like we are living them. Here is a story I want you to read. Start in Mosiah 19. Alma has just fled wicked King Noah by leaving the Waters of Mormon. Read through chapter 21 when they discover Ammon and his brotheren.

Now I'm going to change Chapter 21 up a bit, so stop and read those 3 chapters first. I'll relate this story to you, and maybe it will seem dramatic, maybe it won't. I'm sure there is more you can add for yourself, but the application and the remedy are the same.

Chapter 21

1 And it came to pass that Sorella Miller went to the land of Italy, and began to dwell in the land

2 And it came to pass that after many days the missionary experience continued to become more and more difficult in every aspect round about. In companions, in leadership, in language, in longing for home, in almost every aspect.

3 Now this Sorella did not quit, because of the aoath which she had made with her king, that she would serve an 18 month mission for Him; but knowing this did not make it easy. They would smite her on her bcheeks, and exercise authority over her; and began to put heavy cburdens upon her back, and the weight seemed too much to bare

4 Yea, all this was done that the aword of the Lord might be bfulfilled. That we might gain experience and have opportunities to cry out in faith and learn to rely wholly on Him.

5 And now the afflictions of this missionary were great, and there was no way that she could deliver herself out of their hands, for the challenges had asurrounded her on every side.

6 And it came to pass that Sorella Miller began to murmur with the king because of their afflictions; and she began to be desirous to go call it good mentally, and accept the unhappiness as inevitable. And she continued to pray to the king sorely with her desires, hopes, and complaints; therefore he granted unto her that she should do according to her desire

7 And she put on her armor, and went forth against her challenges the best she could by herself

8 And it came to pass that the challenges did beat her, and drove her back, and aslew many the hopes and dreams she had wished for.

9 And now there was a great amourning and lamentation for this sister, the mourning for her family, and the next phase of life, and the mourning for the stop to all the hard.

11 and she went again feeling the same way a second month , but she was driven back again, suffering much pain.

12 Yea, she went again even the third month, and things weren't getting better, and she suffered in the like manner;

13 And she did humble herself even to the dust, subjecting herself to the His yoke, bsubmitting herself to be smitten, and to be driven to and fro, and burdened, according to His desires.

14 And she did ahumble herself even in the depths of humility; and she did cry mightily to God; yea, even all the day long did she cry unto her God that he would bdeliver her out of their afflictions.

15 And now the Lord was aslow to hear her cry as he had a plan for her and great purpose for her hardships; nevertheless the Lord did hear her bcries, and began to soften the afflictions and began to ease her burdens; yet the Lord did not see fit to deliver her out of bondage, nor did He se fit to make it easy on her as there was too much for her to gain from this experience

16 And it came to pass that she began to prosper by degrees in the land, and He helped her to see meaningful acts of kindness and service around her, and in degrees she could enjoy the good in her companion and quickly overlook her faults, and she began to see glimpses of lessons learned in the hardship.

The answer for the people of Limhi was not delivery from years of bondage, but rather learning to find themselves in the depths of humility. There they could rely wholly on their God who eventually eased, not erased, their burdens. Ammon came and they devised a plan to get out of bondage and on that big airplane to go home. But the great lesson wasn't in their escape or completion of a mission, but in their suffering. If the greatest thing we can learn and do in mortality, is to love God with all our hearts, might, mind and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves, then doesn't it make sense that humility and total dependence on Him allows us to keep this our central focus? It is one of His ways to keep us centered on the covenant path.

Look for those lighted burdens, not changed circumstances. Find little things by degree that at the end of your day you can kneel down and thank Him for. I am grateful for the scriptures. They truly are an iron rod to lead us home. I love you Cakes! Keeping knocking, I promise you will find! Love, Dad

Cakes!!! I miss you! It was so great to get my very own email this week from you I'm sorry I haven't done well in the email department, I promise it isn't because you aren't on my mind and in my prayers all the time. I had to speak in Sacrament meeting this week, and my evening time were consumed with preparing for that. I'll copy and paste it to this email if you'd like to read it.

Yes, I didn't give Seth too hard of a time like the kids wanted me to. :) He was nervous about the whole thing and I appreciate that he felt like it was important to do. He really is a good kid, and you will learn to love him quickly. There is no guile about him, no putting on airs, just down to earth and genuinely kind.

I was grateful to here that your trip to Vicenza (I love saying that :) went so well. So neat to hear how the Lord is guiding and directing you as you lead out in discussions and all that you are asked to do. When you were describing how you were leading correlation meeting, praying in one ward in one language, baring testimony in another ward in Italian, playing the piano and the drop of a hat, just doing anything and everything asked of you, I felt so proud! That's my daughter! You are amazing, with so many gifts and talents to share in assisting in the building of His kingdom. You are an example to all of us, and we are grateful for your service and sacrifice more than you know.

It sounds like this companion will be similar to many of your other companions, in the fact there will much for you both to learn from each other. Companionships are hard, but I promise down the road you will look back and smile with fond memories on time spent with each of them, and valuable life lessons learned. Keep reaching out in charity, it never faileth!

What a cool area to end your mission. I think it is neat that you get that military overseas feel. Take you back to your roots ;) Fort Irwin wasn't overseas but it sure felt like it.

Emma, your mama and I see your struggle and your persistence. Know that He sees it too. Keep fighting through to then end, it is so so close!

Here is my talk. I told the ward members that I felt as if I drew the long straw with this topic. I really could go on for days about how he guides, directs, and blesses us, because He has done that for our family. I hope it strengthens you as it did me in preparing it. I love my sorella so much! Can't wait to hear about your week,

Dad

Dear Em,

Mama told me tonight when I came home from work about this being a particular hard time for you. Many reasons for this she said, difficult companion situation, friends from your Honolulu mission going home, Christmas time, etc. I can see that all this is hard. She mentioned that you are considering e-mailing your president and floating the idea of going home in the middle of January. Obviously this is your decision to make, but as you dad I will never stop weighing in :) Not that you want to hear what I have to say, but it is my responsibility as your dad, and even more than that you and our family is what is most important to me.

We were having family scriptures tonight after dinner, and we were reading President Nelson’s talk from the last Priesthood session. Lainey asked after we finish, “Hey dad, if the prophet is talking to boys, does it mean it will help us too?” I told her that the Spirit impressed me to share some of this talk with your sister Emma, because it is the Lord’s way of speaking directly to her. She said, “yeah, I thought so.” So, so, cute. And in all honesty, in the hour since mama and I talked about you until our family scripture study, I have had a prayer in my heart what I might share with you. And then the Spirit spoke to me and mama as we read this talk from President Nelson.

His talks was titled, What We Are Learning And Will Never (read this in terms of your mission and not the pandemic because for a very few they are one in the same)

“Difficult trials often provide opportunities to grow that would not have come in any other way.

Think back on the past 16 months. How have you grown? What have you learned? You might initially wish you could go back to 2019 and stay there! But if you look at your life prayerfully, I believe you will see many ways in which the Lord has been guiding you through this time of hardship, helping you to become a more devoted, more converted woman - a true woman of God.

I know the Lord has great and marvelous plans for us—individually and collectively. With compassion and patience, He says:

“Ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath … prepared for you;

“And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.” (Don’t be critical of yourself that you can’t take it anymore. Give yourself to Him, and he will lead you through this next 2 months)

My dear Emma, I testify that He has been, and is, indeed leading us along, as we seek to hear Him. He wants us to grow and to learn, even through—perhaps especially through—adversity.

Adversity is a great teacher. What have you learned in the past 16 months that you always want to remember? Your answers will be unique to you…

It behooves each of us to measure up to the sacred ordination we have received. We can do this! I so testify, with my expression of love for each of you, my beloved Sorella, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I love you Emma. I wish I could tell you in some other way that would express what you mean to me, but you just need to believe me when I say you are so so special. You got this! He’s got this, and you’ve got Him!

Remember those 5 things that open the windows of Heaven for us to receive personal revelation and Heaven’s help. Let these truths help guide you in all your decision making. They help me… even when the answer isn’t what I want to hear.

1) Increased Purity - removing anything that could contaminate or pollute our spirit.

2) Exact Obedience - remove any justification or rationalization of our current obedience. Ask yourself, am I making this choice for me, or for Him

3)Earnest Seeking - seeking to know His will for you

4) Daily Feasting on the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon -

5) Regular time in Temple and Family History work.

I love you Cakes! I am so proud of you. One day at a time, he will lead you along I have absolutely no doubt about it!

Love, Dad

RESPONSE:

Hey dad

Thank you for both your emails this week, I loved reading your sacrament talk! And mama sent me a little clip abut your nissioanry plug which made me tear up. Man I love you and miss you so much.

I've probably read and listened to that talk 3 times since you sent it to me. It is so true and powerful and so good for me to look back at the last 15 months and see all of thr ways he has grown me and helped me to become a better version of myself.

When I got mama's text back and your email, at first I was so angry. I was mad thst you didn't see it my way and thst you wouldn't let me/ didn't want me home. I didn't open mama's text and I went the rest of the night just upset, it wad about 8 at night when I realized I was being so proud. So i got in the shower and let it all out, and then I went and prayed and repented and read through what you and mama had sent me. All of me wants to agree with you andbjust finish strong for 75 more days and be done but it is so much easier said.

Idk dad, I just feel done. I feel like I've given him my everything and that it is enough. Honestly I don't even know what justifying or rationalizing is anymore becuase I feel like I could tip the scale either way depending on what I tell myself and one doesn't feel more right or wrong. I guess in my head coming home at 17 months instead of 18 is an option, because it was in Hawaii and so many of the missionaries I looked up to and thought were outstanding took that option. I know I shouldn't move my bar based on others but I also don't think it is fair to feel guilty or like I'm sinning by making it end at the end of January.

I have no idea what President Browning would say, maybe it isn't even an option without missing out on the temple and being considered early returned. I just can't fake it any more, it is so hard to always put up a front, all day every day. The only person I feel real woth is mama, and I feel horrible about it becuase every week I am a complete disaster and she doesn't deserve that. But all week I pretend like I'm motivated and able to comprehend and speak Italian, and just thriving out here. I can't do it anymore. Interviews are in a week and i just want to talk with pres about it, see what his council is. I can't pretend everything is fine and then go back back feeling anxious and miserable miserable of the time. I don't have anxiety or depression, and I am so so grateful for that becuase I feel like in the past 4 months I have experienced a lot of both.

I feel like if Heavenly Father didn't want me to go home in January he would tell me, but it is seriously crickets. I have fasted and prayed so hard to know if it would be okay with him and I haven't gotten a no. I've read so many talks where the prophets say choose a course of action and if it is wrong he will tell you. I don't know. I want to come home at the end of January instead of March 1st. I know it is only a month difference but that is a long time when everyday feels like a struggle.

I just feel so grateful for the opportunity to serve and for all the experiences I've had, for the ways I've grown and the things ive learned and I hate that I feel guilty. I feel like Heavenly Father is proud of me and accepts my service and that the guilt is coming from myself, from home, from Satan even. Serving a mission isn't something that wad required of me, it was a choice that I will be forever grateful that I made. I'm not talking quitting at 9 months or even coming home early. I started my mission knowing that come the new year I could extend, or shorten by one transfer. Trust me I'm 100% aware that this isn't Hawaii, I still wish it were, I know that that might not be an option here but it is worth asking.

But then part of me feels like I should just suck it up until March because it would get rid of so many issues. Most of which come from you and mama being disappointed in me or the kids thinking I quit. What you think means so much to me but I don't think staying to save face is a good enough reason. It is so hard because no one can understand what this is like, as hard as fhe try ♡ It has been the hardest 15 months of my life, I feel like they broke my heart when I was reassigned and then asked me to love it, I didn't realize while I was there how much it meant to me and begged to come to Italy. Then I was uprooted and asked to love it here and I just haven't been able to fully. I still don't really understand this language and am now being asked to lead out in an area I know nothing about I a language that is still very much foreign. It has been 5 months for crying out loud! I'm just ready to come home. I'm not going to quit mid transfer and if pres says no then I will serve until March but isn't it worth communicating?

I feel pushed to my complete max in every single way, I don't even know how to explain it. I didn't even know it was possible to cry this much, which sometimes feels so good just to let it all go.

I think it has also just been crazy hard with the timing of everything like you said. All of friends it felt like went home yesterday and that hurt, a lot od them going home one transfer early. Also with Christmas and just all of it.

I'll be completley honest, my other worry is thst I talk to pres browning, (who I don't really trust or care for) and he says it isn't an option but then makes me go home or do counseling or makes me a red flag--> I hate this feeling. I'm not a project and I'm not here to prove anything to anyone. It isn't about sticking it our for the sake of sticking it out. This sacrifice is between me and my Heavenly Father and if I feel at peace leaving it there between me and him then why do I need anyone else's approval?

Idk if any of that makes sense, I pretty much just poured my heart out on paper, sorry more than anything, I just want you and mama to be proud. I will do whatever you want me to and I trust you but I need this to be about what is best for me, not for show or for reputations sake.

But on a different note, I have had a lot of experiences/heard a lot of stories from the military ward members and I realized I don't know much about your time in the military. Was Korea your hardship tour? Sorella Merz went on and on about how horrible it was to be there and how low all the standards of the soldiers were and it wad just the worst experience in the military. Was it super hard for you? Also do you know a Kevin Parker? He is an army dentist here, he went to dental school in Oregon and graduated in 2005? I showed him your picture and he said he might know you? I'll attach a picture. They are an awesome family, his wife reminds me of mama a lot! Anyway! I love thst you served, it gives me a lot od common ground with these members just just make the connection:)

I love you dad, thank you for always being there for me and listening to my rants. I just feel kinds stuck and confused

I love you more than you know! I can't wait to talk to you on Christmas!

Cakes

My Sweet Emma,

Thank you for writing to me. I love you so, so much! I woke up at 5:00 am this morning tossing and turning in bed. You are all I can think about. The Spirit kept nudging me out of bed to come and “talk” to you. So hear I am in the dark and quiet, just me and you, with tears running down my cheeks, trying to express my deep love for you.

When your heart aches, mama and my heart ache! You will understand this perfectly in the future when you have children. You will also understand that your complete love for your children will have nothing to do with the choices they make. That love is unconditional!

Thank you for being so honest about your feelings in your email, it is so refreshing to just be able to say things how they really are.

Mama and I are very proud of you! Coming home in January or the end of February won’t affect how grateful we are that you chose to serve a mission, and that you choose to put Christ at the center of your life. In your email you said that your Heavenly Father is proud of you and accepts the service and sacrifice you have made. I have not doubt that He is pleased with your strivings and sacrifice. How could He not be? You have chosen Him, and to fight everyday to do His will. This is all He asks of us, and that we do it to the very end.

But a mission is not the end, in a sense it is the beginning. In the talk mama sent you this week Elder Holland described it as “the greatest venture of your life, that should shape and will shape, if you allow it to shape, every great experience you’re ever going to have for the rest of this life, and as much of the next one as I know anything about.”

Don’t confuse “great experience” to mean wonderful or happily ever after. Think of these great experiences to be cross-roads in the form of major decisions or trial and hardship. That is His plan, “and We will prove them … to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them”. These “great future experiences” in our lives will be shaped by our choices and decisions of how we will respond. And your mission, as hard, and tiring, and painful as it has been, and will continue to be, is where you are learning to rely fully on Him. And that reliance will Shape your eternity! I promise you Cakes that you will lean on these hard days with a grateful heart for the strength and faith they forged inside of you. You will rely on that strength to see you through until the very end, and that is what He wants for you.

Because mama and I can see down the road a little further because of time and experience does not mean that we trying to guilt you into staying on your mission. Despite how you may feel in the moment, we want nothing but what is best for you. I couldn’t care less about reputation and what others may think if you choose to come home early. If you think that is why I’m trying to persuade you to stay, I have done a poor job expressing to you how I feel about it. The reason I am trying to persuade you to stay is because I know you. I know your gifts and talents and capabilities. I know your potential. I know and see your love for and dependence on your Savior.

Sure we all have weaknesses, and sometimes that is all we can see in ourselves, but you are something very special! And I know you can do this. I know you don’t want to. I know you would rather come home more that anything right now. I know you feel completely spent, frustrated, exhausted, questioning your own mental health because of all the highs and lows. Mostly lows. And I know you are critical of yourself. But you are not alone in feeling this way. Even the Savior of the world begged his Father for another way, to be done early. He was completely spent, scared, tired, alone. He had had enough and felt he couldn’t go any further.

But “… he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”

He chose! When you read this account of the Savior, it makes it sound like He didn’t have a choice. He spoke as if it were His Father that were making the choice. Please take this from me, but if you don’t then I’ll do it. But that isn’t it at all. He had a choice. He could of quit. He could of said that no one understands the kind of pain and suffering, the loneliness and grief he felt. Clearly no one would have stepped up and judged him for not seeing it through, because no one truly understood what was being asked of Him.

But it was His choice. His choice was the will of His Father. He had already submitted to that long before this “great experience” in His life. And so he finished the course He was called to fulfill.

So my advice to you my sweet daughter, is choose to get rid of the choice. Eliminate the option in your mind, and go a little farther, and continue to fall down on your face and knees. Continue to plead for Him to take away your heartache and struggle. But if relief doesn’t come, pray for the faith and strength to be able to say, “not my will, but as thou wilt. Allow Him to let this heartache shape you! One day at a time, one hour at a time! Stop trying to make it go away, and take a deep breath, and know that you’ve got this and He’s got you! We are here for you no matter what. He is there for you if you keep knocking. But it is His door, not yours, that you must knock. It is His will that you must seek after. You won’t find what you are looking for, not even at home, if you are knocking on another door for relief.

So this is your dad being honest. Please don’t take it as a “guilt trip”, it isn’t meant to be one. It is what I believe and how I feel. I would be lying to you if I told you anything different. So you decide if you are going to be done. It is your choice. Don’t let others choose for you by their actions or words. You choose! And if you choose to come home in January, we won’t love you any less. We won’t be disappointed in you. We won’t think of you as to weak or broken. We will simply love you! And you are so easy to love! I am proud to be your dad! I can’t wait to talk to you on Christmas!

I love you my sweet Emma!

Dad

Cakes! You’re on the home stretch! I can’t believe in a few short weeks we are going to have you home, we all are so so excited!

I’m sorry I haven’t emailed you back. Life has been pretty crazy lately as I’m sure mama has filled you in on. But you are never far from my thoughts, and you are in every one of my prayers.

Thanks for sharing your talk from last week. I read it last night to the kids at dinner. It brings so much happiness to me (and your family) to hear of your faith in Heavenly Fathers Plan and in the Savior. You did an awesome job!

I never answered your question a couple of weeks ago. ( I don't understand why God would give a commandment to Adam and eve that he intended them to break. Why would a loving Heavenly Father set them up to fail? ) This is a question I think everyone at some point has as they study about the creation and Adam and Eve. Here are some of my thoughts, most of which come from 2 Nephi Ch. 2. I would invite your to read and re-read this chapter. This entire chapter is Lehi teaching his son Jacob, to what I imagine was in response to Jacob asking a question similar as yours. I promise that if you study this chapter you will be blessed to understand with greater faith why and how His perfect plan was introduced in this way.

First, let us start by acknowledging how true vs 24 is. But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. I love this verse of scripture. It’s not naive to fall back on this principle. It’s truth! But I also believe He will teach us line upon line about the “why” of His infinite wisdom and timing if we seek to know.

Secondly, In the grander picture, think of it as Heavenly Father not setting them up to fail, rather to succeed. His plan, designed long before man was placed on the earth, was to provide each of us an opportunity to inherit EVERYTHING that He has. But we must choose that this is what we want. Similarly, Adam and Eve had to choose.

Lehi was taught and understood the need for choice, agency, and opposition when he taught his Son Jacob, and all of us:

11 it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility. (This is the state of innocence Adam and Eve were in prior to the fall)

15 And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of man, after he had created our first parents, and the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and in fine, all things which are created, it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter.

So Heavenly Father gave them a law to follow and the agency to choose. But He just didn’t give the law alone, He allowed them to be enticed:

16 Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other. (The one or the other is the Holy Ghost or Satan. While it was Satan that initially tempted them in the Garden, Eve seemed to be influenced by the light and truth of her role in the greater plan. She was left with free agency to act for herself and not be acted upon.)

25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. (This joy came from children and from repentance and hope in the Savior. All of this joy was dependent on agency. Opposition was the only way, therefore His perfect plan called for a choice or a law to be set forth. And they were enticed by both light and darkness, and because of who they were in the preexisting world, they had proven themselves faithful, and dependable, they followed light)

I hope this helps a little. I love the Book of Mormon and am so grateful for its teachings. To understand these truths vs the rest of the Christian world and their beliefs in original sin brings so much peace and understanding. Moroni was taught that little children who die before the age of accountability die in Christ and receive his full redemption. This truth is understood mostly because we understand the Fall of Adam and Eve and it’s purpose in His plan. We are not accountable for our parents sins or transgressions, but we each are given agency and the ability to follow enticings from either “one or the other”. I love the Book of Mormon!

And I love YOU! I hope you can feel that love your parents have for you. We are so very proud of you

Hello my Beautiful Sorella,

I hope this finds you happy and healthy. I thought a lot about you today, like I do most days. But extra tonight as we went to a youth fireside as a family to listen to the Boise Idaho Mission President talk about missionary work. Two of the sister missionaries also shared their testimonies. Here are a few of the notes from President Nygard’s talk -

He said that he has had over 600 missionaries come and go through the mission in his two and half years thus far due to all the reassignment etc…. And he asks each one as the leave, what would you someone preparing to go on a mission. Here are the two responses, followed by a third which was his counsel -

1) Read the Book of Mormon before you go. It is so crucial to have a testimony of this book and the Prophet Joseph Smith

2)Learn how the Spirit speaks to you, and how to receive personal revelation

3) Find the reason that you are a missionary! You will have many times when you need to rely on this for strength.

I thought those were really good for all of us to think about. I know Miles is really beginning to feel the heat of how close and real this is becoming for him. Thank you for taking the time to send Miles your thoughts for him. He looks up to you so much. He has been aware of how hard a mission has been at times for you, and that has also been a blessing. A blessing of how to be resolute and how to power through hard things relying on Him to help us. Thank you for always being such a great example to your siblings, it has been a huge blessing to mama and me.

He shared some thoughts about humility. He said one way we can be humble is to act on the first prompting. Not talking ourselves out of it, which is a form of being stiff necked, stubborn, or proud.

He gave the quote “What we think about expands…” That is very true, for good or bad. What we focus our thoughts and energy on really does grow.

He recommended to all of us to read Preach My Gospel Ch 11. This chapter focuses on extending invitations, to invite and to promise. We all as member missionaries can do better in this regard.

Anyway, just some notes I had taken tonight and thought I would share. I sure love you Emma. I am so grateful you had this chance to serve a mission. The good and the bad, the hard and tiring, all these experiences have shaped you and will continue to shape you into becoming a more diligent disciple if you let them. I am proud of you for choosing to make that decision to serve.

I hope your week is great. I look forward to hearing all about it. You are in every one of our prayers. Love you sweetheart!

Dad

RESPONSE:
Daddy!

Thanks so much for your email! It always makes me feel so good when the family days something made them think of me I am happy and healthy and on the homestretch!

Thank you for sharing all those insights, I loves reading through them! I especially loved the third peice of advice given, mama counseled me to do that back in October when I was really going through it, so at the back of my study journal I have a long list of my "why's" some good reasons to serve and others not so much but I can see all the reasons it is so important to stay. I'm so grateful for mama, I can't figure out how she is so amazing without a mission!! I feel like this experience is helping point me in her direction, but she just is everything i hope to be from serving a mission!

I'm so grateful that you and mama and especially miles, are proud of me despite the struggle. And I hope it can be a strength to miles, I get down on myself often for not tackling this mission thing as gracefully or with as much resilience as I thought I could. There have been so many ups and even more downs that have really rocked me a little but holy cow did I need this! Miles brings up serving to me everytime we talk, I know he is anxious and nervous, I really hope he is just ad excited ad he is ready to push through it though.

What we think about expands

I really like that, it is so true. I need to be better about keeping my mind here. The closer it gets the more I find myself daydreaming haha. But if I can keep my focus, time will go faster and I'll be more effective.

I am really feeling the end, especially physically, I just feel exhausted. It is wild to me to think I've woken up at 6:30 for 16 months! I know it isn't that crazy but without weekends it is pretty intense! Staying motivated is the overarching struggle, but I'm working at it! I'm excited for transfers this next week and hopefully it comes with a mix up!

I think God is blessing me for the last 6 weeks with placing Vivianne in our laps. She is seriously a miracle and I'll be here the next 7 weeks to teach her all the discussions! Sh did from Brazil, her husband was less active but wants to come to church again and his wife, v, wants to be baptized! How exciting is that? I'm really grateful for this chance to stay busy and to get to help when make these next important steps. I'm really anxious becuase it is all in italian and I've never taught past the gospel of christ in italian, so the commandments and all of that vocabulary will be a task, but really grateful to get to push and stretch and run to the end of this thing. My Italian isn't where I want it to be and won't be in 2 months but I've accepted that. I can give a testimony at the end of homecoming talk and then leave it there. I will always have my Italian scriptures and can say my personal prayers in italian bit I don't think I will take it in college or anything. It has been a struggle for sure, but a blessing to learn to rely on the Savior big time!

What else? :) mama told me that sadie isn't coming up to the airport when I come home, which I totally understand but it stings a little bit. I get it, it doesn't make sense to drive up to boise 2 weekends Ina row but oh how I wanted to see her! It's only a week though! I just feel a little like I won't ever get back he sadie I said goodbye to in May. I know everyone feels like that with her new permanent tagalong Seth, but I just feel like I missed the closure of just her if that makes any sense! But hey, life goes on and I'm sure I will love Seth.

I have a question for you, it is from come follow me this week- I don't understand why God would give a commandment to Adam and eve that he intended them to break. Why would a loving Heavenly Father set them up to fail? I've studied it out a little and it isn't a faith rocking question but I do wonder. Any thoughts?

I love you so much dad! You have no idea! Can't wait to see you in 50 days! Ahh! Have the best week!

Cakes

Dear Sorella Miller,

I missed being able to talk to you yesterday. I loved all your pictures, and especially was happy to hear about Viviane and her decision to be baptized. What wonderful news! I bet you are on cloud 9!

Mama filled me in on how it is going for you in your new companionship. She said you were being a little hard on yourself about the language still (What, Emma hard on herself? :)

Sometimes it is so easy to compare ourselves to others, trying to correlate our experience to another's, expecting to be the same. I don't think this was His intention, to create a bunch of spirit children with the same gifts, talents, abilities, and circumstances. If this was not His purpose, why then would He want us to compare ourselves? He is God, all powerful and all knowing. Don't lose sight of this fact. If we give him our best, He will take that best and make it into what He needs it to be. As mama shared this with me, I had this thought about Moses and His experience with language.

Moses is described in the scriptures as being one of the greatest of all prophets, full of meekness and faith. Yet he struggled with feeling inadequate to the call of leading His people. His lack of confidence in his ability to speak the language in a powerful and convincing way caused the Lord to ask him "Who hath made man's mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say? Or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind?" (Exodus 4:11) The Lord was trying to teach Moses that He called him for his faith, willingness, and potential to carry forth His work. He created Him just the way he was, and blessed him to be all that He needed him to be. Maybe not the strongest speaker, or the one that grasped the language the quickest or the best, but rather due to him being a willing and dependable servant to do His work. But Moses could never see past himself in this regard and the Lord became angry with him and gave him Aaron to be a spokesman for him.

I think we can learn a number of lessons from this. First and foremost, when we are faithful and obedient, giving our best to Him we are enough. We are exactly what He needs us to be in order to do His will and His work. We also learn that we can get bogged down with over thinking things, giving way to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and unworthiness, wondering why it is we are failing or what we may have done wrong. One great lesson I am remined of is that we are given weakness so that we can be humble. Humble enough to turn to Him in confidence, knowing He can and will make our weaknesses become strengths. But consider this. What was Moses' weakness? Was it his inability to be the strongest public speaker, with 100% command of the the language, or was it his feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence? I would submit it is the latter. If that is true, how could the Lord make them his strengths? I believe as we stop comparing ourselves to others, and recognized His hand in all things, we gain faith and confidence in who we are and what are purpose and potential are, therefore becoming "one" with Him in His work. We no longer feel inadequate, unfaithful, unworthy, or not capable of doing what He would have us do. Emma, keep giving Him your heart! This will always lead to you giving Him your best effort. In this I promise you that you will find peace (strength) in what He has blessed you to be able to give, thus fulfilling His promise to make weak things become strong unto you.

I love you so very very much! Keep up the fight, the struggle is what it is all about. You have grown so much, and He has so much ahead for you. See you soon! :) Dad

To My Sweet Sorella,

I thought I would send you the Prophet’s

message from this last Priesthood session. You may have heard it, or since read it, but study it again. I’ve changed a few things in it to relate to you and your current situation. You will notice the modifications as you read them side by side, but I couldn’t

help but think of you as I listened tonight in my personal study.

What We Are Learning and Will Never Forget

By President Russell M. Nelson

President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

If you look at your life prayerfully, I believe you will see

many ways in which the Lord has been guiding you through this time of hardship.

My dear Sorella, I have looked forward to this virtual meeting

with you. Much has happened in the seven months! I pray constantly that the Lord will comfort you. As you continue to let God prevail in your life, I know that He is just as optimistic about your future as He has ever been.

Amid the trials you have experienced, there are also some things

you have undoubtedly found. I’m sure you have found deeper faith in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. You may have found a fresh perspective on life—even an eternal perspective. You may have found stronger relationships with your loved ones and

with the Lord. I hope you have found an increased ability to hear Him and receive personal revelation. Difficult trials often provide opportunities to grow that would not have come in any other way.

Think back on the past seven months. How have you grown? What

have you learned? You might initially wish you could go back home and stay there! But if you look at your life prayerfully, I believe you will see many ways in which the Lord has been guiding you through this time of hardship, helping you to become a more

devoted, more converted young woman—a true daughter of God.

I know the Lord has great and marvelous plans for you—individually.

With compassion and patience, He says:

“Ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how

great blessings the Father hath … prepared for you;

“And ye cannot bear all things now;

nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along.”1

My dear Sorella, I testify that He has been, and is, indeed leading

you along, as you seek to hear Him. He wants you to grow and to learn, even through—perhaps especially through—adversity.

Adversity is a great teacher. What have you learned in the past

seven months that you always want to remember? Your answers will be unique to you...

Emma, there are many things the Lord wants you to learn from

your experiences during your mission. I invite you to make a list of the things you have already learned, consider it carefully, and share it with those you love.

The future is bright for God’s covenant-keeping people. The Lord

will increasingly call upon His servants who worthily hold the priesthood, or the power of the priesthood, to bless, comfort, and strengthen mankind and to help prepare the world and its people for His Second Coming. It behooves each of us to measure up to

the sacred call we have received. You can do this! I so testify, with my expression of love for of you, my beloved missionary, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I love you so much! Keep working hard. You are becoming what

He needs you to become in order to inherit all that he wants you to inherit.

Love, Dad

Good Morning to my BEAUTIFUL missionaries!

I hope you have a wonderful Sabbath Day. When I went to an early morning meeting this morning I noticed your missionary plaques up in the building. It was so fun to see. I love the messages you both chose as they reflect so much your faith. I will go where and do whatever You ask.... is the same message from both of you. Your faith and diligence is an example to us all!

I’ve been reading Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith lately. There were a couple of quotes that really stood out to me yesterday that I wanted to share with you.

The first is in a letter the prophet sent from Kirtland to the Saints in Missouri who were suffering at what seemed every turn. “Those who cannot endure persecution, and stand in the day of affliction, cannot stand in the day when the Son of God shall burst the veil, and appear in all the glory of His Father, with all the holy angels.”

I love that thought, that we are being prepared for that great day as we face our daily battles with faith and perseverance.

This second quote is a great reminder that we are called to His work. It is not what “we” are able to accomplish or what “we are able to say. It is the simple message we have all been called to share. This quote reminds me of President Nelson’s defining of the Gathering of Israel. Simply that every one of God’s children’s gets the opportunity to hear this simple message.

“Remember that it is a day of warning and not a day of many words. If they receive not your testimony in one place, flee to another, remembering to cast no reflections, nor throw out any bitter sayings. If you do your duty, it will be just as well with you, as though all men embraced the Gospel.”

I hope you know how much I love you and how immensely proud I am of you both!

Love Dad

P.S. We are fasting as a family today as part of the local missionary effort here in our ward. But be assured we are fasting for OUR missionaries too.

Aloha Cakes,

I hope this finds you well. I’m anxious to hear how your interview went on Tuesday with your Mission President. Keep working hard to be led by the Spirit in your finding efforts. He will continue to bless you...

I know you recently read this talk by Elder Bednar. But I think you should re-read it in light of your concerns about Italy, and the possibility that you may not get there. (I still think you will though :)

I think it is noteworthy that an Apostle of the Lord chose to address this topic specifically. Be prayerful and you study it and I know you will come to peace with what the Lord brings to pass through your full-time missionary service. His ways our not ours, and we can take great comfort in knowing He loves His children and wants nothing but the very best for us. I love you sweetheart. Go get em!

Love,Dad

My Dear Sweet Emma,

Can you believe it? All sorts of emotions must be running through your heart and mind. We are so so so excited to welcome you home!

There will be unlimited times in the future that you reflect back on these last 18 months, pulling from them lessons learned, and strength gained, as you move forward in your life. I want you to know how indescribably proud I am of you for your service and devotion to your Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.

As I reflect back on your mission from my perspective, all my prayers, all my thoughts and hopes for you, I can’t help but feel incredibly blessed. You have chosen to let your Heavenly Father shape you into who you have become, you have worn the Savior’s name literally on your heart. I promise you Emma that He will continue to transform you into the best version of yourself moving forward as you continue to put Him first in your life.

There won’t be another time in your life quite like a mission. That is by design. You gave Him all of yourself, all of your time, and all of your heart, for 18 months. He has taught you how to be a stronger disciple of Jesus Christ. Soon, He is going to extend to you, through one of His authorized servants, a release as a full-time missionary. But what you have learned, what you have been blessed with, is a deep desire to serve Him, a stronger desire to be one of his true disciples. This is a call that will never leave you as you choose to follow Him. This desire will continue to come from the great love you have for Him, and because of that love, a desire to bless others with your goodness and gifts.

I love the gospel! What a miraculous and grand plan! When we give Him our heart coupled with a generous portion of our time, He promises to draw us close to Him. And as He does, we feel genuine desire to bring others, along with us. What a perfect design! He loves you Emma. You have proven yourself reliable to Him time and time again. Don’t stop here. Let Him continue to bless others through you for the rest of your life. I promise as you do, your future will be as bright as only He can imagine, and with more joy than you can imagine.

I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you in 5 days! Thank you for being my who you are. I feel so very blessed! Job well done daughter of mine!

Love, Dad

DAD’S RESPONSE WHEN I SENT HIM MY FLIGHT PLANS HOME:

Exciting! She did it! I’m so proud of her!

EMAILS FROM MAMA

Hopefully this will all feel a lot less dramatic to you than it does to me right now.

Tonight dad and the kids needed a distraction after some tough news so they went to the boys HS bball game. I went to Walmart because I needed to but also so I wouldn't just cry at home. It was all great till I got to the pasta aisle and my list- which said, 10 boxes assorted pasta (for McCall) because my 5 gallon bucket up there in the pantry for pasta is empty so I was going to get the pasta to take up with us to fill the bucket. Well.... I don't need to fill the bucket anymore...and that's what this email is about. I may have had a few tears roll out involuntarily in the Walmart pasta aisle, which is weird and kind of pathetic, but I don't think anyone saw.

I just wanted to let you both know, and an email seemed like an easier option (less emotional way than calling you Sadie and taking your P-day Emma to share) This is a sad email and I will try my best to not get too long winded in it. It's not something we've talked about for a long time, but have had to come to terms with relatively quickly because of the reality of the situation and needing to move forward in other areas. Literally Dad and I talked seriously about it yesterday and today decided on. It's what makes sense, not what we want. This news isn’t something that any of us want, but it just is what it is. We sat the kids down to talk with them about it and everyone handled it in their own way- some angry, some tears…everyone super super bummed…. On a practical level I understand it, but on an emotional level I’m struggling.

Things at Alliance Dental care are growing slowly, but such that dad can’t keep growing where he’s at. There is no parking and he can’t add a hygienist or do his best to grow it where it is. It’s a total nightmare. So that means we have to build a building. That’s an expense we weren’t really planning on tackling until the practice was bigger- but since we can’t grow where it is, we have to do the building now. A lot of our money is tied up in the cabin, which was fine, but we are need of it to move forward with the things necessary for Dad’s work. (buy a lot, build a building)

It breaks everyone’s hearts to think of not having the cabin. I can let go of the breathtaking view with its stillness and peace- and I can deal with the loss of ample space to gather- but what’s killing me is letting go of that quality time- the way we could all just be there- the dreams of having future time there- the holidays, the ability to just relax and reset without much effort, how it was so easy to just go whatever weekends we could, how it worked so well for Copper J, the way it was a bridge for us at all our different ages and stages to just be together. We all loved the winter, chances for most to love skiing, and to just get cozy. We loved the summer with kayaking and hikes and exploring. There are a million things- it’s special to Sadie because it brought her Seth, it’s special to Emma because it was the MTC, It’s special to me and the kids because it was our tucked away in the mountains home for a year, & it made the Landau Home chapter closing bearable in a lot of ways. It’s special to dad because it was our dream and he made it happen. We all feel peace there. We all feel cozy there. We all had big plans and high hopes for so many memories there.

I don’t know how fast it will sell. Not before you get home Emma, for sure- so don’t worry about getting back there- you will and hopefully we can have it through spring break at the very least. There aren’t a lot of homes for sale in McCall, like hardly any at all- & it’s a crazy market- and ours is special so it might take awhile, or it might go quickly. We don’t know. There’s a lot to figure out. We’d probably sell it furnished, but even furniture aside, there’s just lots of “stuff” there (kayaks, and bins and seasonal stuff- just the overflow of our life that we loved there and don’t have space for here) that we will need to probably store most of it at a storage unit in Meridian. It’s too bad the Sadie sofa can’t fit in your BYU married apartment, Bug. The piano—that breaks my heart—because we can’t store that, and it doesn’t fit here….. and that was yours Emma….Morris and Bruno and Cosmo- ugh, it is so hard. Not because of things- it’s just a let down of dreams. And we’re sorry. More sorry than you can possibly know.

We don’t need a cabin to create family time or to be close to each other. We’ll find ways to make things special- and make new family dreams. I don’t know what that looks like right now- but we’ll figure it out. We will always cherish the memories for sure… they are so fun.

Holly

MY EMAIL

Mama!

I feel like I write all of these emails to the family and I never write to you, you get stuck with the emotional me on the phone and the ranting of my journal

I just want you to know how much I love you and I miss you!

I made some cookies this week and I was telling my companion about you and your cookies and I must have just gone off about ho amazing you are becuase she said, " you really love your mom, huh?" She had no idea

I got a voice recording from sadie this week, it was so cute. She wad talking to me a little about Thanksgiving and how Seth's mom was going to come and eat with our family, she explained kinda the group and how it was an interesting crowd all together and I was just so in awe of how selfless you are. You take everyone in and give up your "ideal" family Thanksgiving or time as a family... you really just do what is best for everyone around you and it is so impressive to me. I know it means so much to sadie

I just always feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude for you and all you do for me. You are always exactly what I need, every single time. You always put me first and I know you would do anything for me I just feel beyond blessed every single day

From the day i left to Hawaii I have longed for a hug, just a love from my mama, I have clung to thaf pillow so so so so many times, I miss you more than I know how fo say!

Thank you for everything mama! Your journal responses keep me going most weeks and p-day calls, the highlight of my week! Sorry you become the punching bag for all my venting, you are my #1 support with daddy and it means fhe world fo me. You are the perfect mama for me

Love, em

RESPONSE FROM MAMA

What a sweet surprise-- your journal feels like emails to me. I wish I could give you a sense of just how LOVED you are! I hope I am okay when you don't "need" me this much! I know, you'll always need your mama! I just needed that needing!

I already know my favorite part of Thanksgivng week will be teh family each getting time with you to talk! They are excited!

I hope your companion isn't in the bathroom or that she doesnt have to deal with an upset stomach all night- you will bless her so much as you are tender toward her.

I love you. Keep seeking out the good in each day. You are not alone. The Savior knows how you feel and what is needed both for you and of you.

You are my heart.

Mama

Thank you for the picture. Daniel Klebingat is a cute guy- and you just never know about interest-- if he's really sharp, he wouldn't be showing any interest for at least 23 more days-

My heart is in Hawaii/Italy. A mission blog for Sorella Miller

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