Emails from Sadie and Graham

 Emails from Sadie

Hey sis, 

Hard week, huh? I'm sorry about the pday thing, mama filled me in a little bit of what happened. We had talked about the crazy mission president's wife a little bit too. What's her name? Karen? ;) Just kidding. But for real, I'm sorry about all of the mess between her and the president and the companion...what a bunch of garbage. It's frustrating, and I get it. If it's any consolation, when I had similar experiences in Ecuador with Elder Hopper the crazy and Hermanas Rusk and Costanzi I felt like I couldn't get out of the hole that someone else had dug for me. Especially when you think that it will influence who you serve with and where because the president is involved. But I promise that it won't feel like such a boot here in a transfer, and certainly not when you come home. Really, it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. Even the President tbh. But you didn't hear that from me. ;) The only person who can tell you that your heart and service is acceptable is the Lord. But you already know that.

 Just don't be shy to ask Him about it as often as you need to. I'm finding a lot of power in prayer these days when I'm not afraid to ask Him for what I need. Like, small example, I was doing this stupid math homework that made no sense (order of operations, what is the point of that??) and I. Could. Not. Get it. I literally was in tears two hours later trying to figure out what to do without getting a tutor (not for a matter of pride, but because I don't have the time) ((well I really don't have the time but that was sarcastic I'm totally too proud to get a tutor haha)), and so finally I decided to pray. So I stopped and angrily told Heavenly Father that my math teacher's voice gets on my nerves and this homework was too hard for me, but I had to get it done in the next hour before I went to work and then it was due. So then I asked for help and got back up and got to work. And this is anticlimactic, but I still didn't get it. Like, at all. So I struggled for another twenty minutes with zero success and then I decided to pray again and this time for a miracle haha. Got up, went back to work. Nothing. Feeling so frustrated. I ended up getting the homework done, blessedly. Seth actually ended up calling me and teaching me how to do it. He's way smarter than me haha. So it all turned out fine but that isn't the point. I think I said like four prayers intermittently in there. I just realized that there was no shame in praying every fifteen minutes for the help I still need. Like I don't pray once for help and check a box, and God looks at his clipboard when I come back and ask for more help with the order of operations and He's like "silly girl, you already asked me for that". Maybe I just needed to learn a little lesson in humility. I don't know why I went on this long tangent, but it was something I learned this week that was helpful to me. Continues to be helpful too. I'm praying about the same things a pathetic amount of times haha, but it's helping me. So just don't be frustrated if you have to pray to love that annoying (maybe crazy) French girl a million times in the same afternoon. Or Karen, or the president. Or to have the Lord assure you that you're doing everything you need to, and you're doing it "wonderfully well". #ILoveJeffHolland 

I was missing being a missionary this week. I don't know why, it hit me pretty randomly. Life is great, but it's different now. So just so you know, it is possible to miss it haha. 

College is kicking my buns. I'm surviving, but it's hard and lonely and I'm exhausted haha. And my classes aren't even hard. The homework is a joke, it's pretty easy but it takes hours and hours. Then between that, work, getting adequate sleep, call Seth, call the fam, it's a madhouse. I just need to learn to balance better. Already it's been better this week, but I am pretty tired. 

Did I already tell you about my job? I feel like I did. I'm a cashier at Cafe Rio, I make $8.25 an hour (trash) and the job is crazy fast-paced and a little stressful, but it does give me mindless work for 6 hours every other night and that's kinda nice sometimes. I hate closing restaurants, it's horrible. So disgusting *dry heaves. But hey, a job is a job, and even if it just takes care of my groceries, that's something at least. And it allows for zero social life which has been kinda nice when I need that excuse. I'm finally starting to pick up some friends here and there and that's helping. My coworkers think I'm awesome because I try to help out where I can when my station is clean. Mostly I just don't like to be still and sit around, so I find something to do when I can. I've already got all the managers' attention and they've each thanked me separately and so I'm getting up the courage to ask for a raise here in about two weeks. I do the best work in the whole staff if I do say so myself:) The bad part is I usually get home at 11:30pm. 

My roommates are basically nonexistent. I really love Misa though when she is here, she's my room roommate luckily.She got engaged to her boyfriend Bridger this week! I'm super happy for them. He's 15 months younger than her and they met in June! Craziness. They are adorable though and so happy. 

Update on the bf: Seth has had a hard go. He got tested positive for COVID here a couple of days ago. He's been pretty sick tho already for like a week. So now he has to quarantine and has to miss a lot of school, so that's been stressful for him. Then his bike seat got stolen, and that was pretty annoying. It's too bad that people do stuff like that. Besides that, we're doing great. I'm really excited to go see him next weekend, but also nervous! Haha, that seems silly, but I am. 

Uh... what else... I can't think of anything right now, but I'll be better about emailing, especially now that we may not get to talk on the phone that much. 

I tell you all the time but here are the big take-aways in case you skimmed this whole goofy email.;) Here it is: 

I LOVE YOU EM! I'm so proud of you and I miss you a lot. You're doing awesome, and even more than that, you're doing some crazy hard things. That doesn't go unnoticed by the only One who can really make that right. Just keep leaning on Him, He'll get you to the airport. In the meantime, He's got other ideas. Don't let the immediate experience you're having make you feel bitter at all (even in a small degree) toward Italy or this time. I've struggled with that a little bit in different ways ever since Ecuador, and I regret letting my mind develop that pattern. You've got this sis, I believe in you! LET"S GOOOOOOOO 

Con mucho amor, 

Sades  

RESPONSE

Sadie this email meant so much to me. I was SO sad not to get to talk to you on Wednesday and honestly am still having a really hard time with the hour call on p-day. I just want to come home, I miss you guys so much it hurts. 

 

It made me feel a lot better to hear you say it doesn't matter what anyone except the Lord thinks- and to know that you struggled w it a little, becuase if I'm anything like the missionary you were that would be enough! I am so so so frustrated with sorella browning and President- like I can't stand either of them, i have such hard feelings and I know that is wrong but it was pretty brutal amd felt so uncallwd for. I emailed my mission president on p-day ( mama and I had talked about what I would say) and I kinda just apologized for my emotions when we had our sitdown, explaining that I felt caught off guard. I was pretty clearly that I have been striving to be exactly obedient my whole mission and was unaware od mission specific rules like 1 your phone calls ( if anything i felt like that should have reflected on my companion, how was i supposed to know?) But regardless i told him I was fine and only uphill from here, politely telling him to stay the heck out of my business ! I got his response on Saturday and it made me all ticked off all over again, he said, "I'm glad you are repenting and refocusing on why you're here, your long phone calls and not participating in missioanrh work was really concerning to me. Just follow your amazing companion and learn what we do here and you will start to contribute." Huh? First of all, I don't want any part of the "we" He is talking about. I know this is a horrible attitude but I don't want to be part of this mission. I don't want to be their missionary, I miss pres and sis walker and I miss Hawaii more than I can say. Second, he acts like I've never been a missioanrh before, like I was some disobedient struggling one in Hawaii and like the 2 months I've been in Italy I haven't done anything. I already felt like that and now he just confirmed that he feels like that. I can't do here what I did in Hawaii becuase of this stupid language! I miss English. I just want to quit! Obviously that isn't an option and I didn't come this far to only come this far but man this is hard. 

 

Anyway, sorry for the rant, it just feels like I can't catch a break these days. But your email and mama and the kids have been really extra aware and supportive and that has meant everything to me, I needed it so bad. Especially on top of your crazy schedule for you to take the time to email, sades it really means so much! 

 

I got a text from Seth, I know you prob already know but he wrote me the sweetest poem( I'll attach it, but i I you've prob already read it ) it was seriously so timely and just made me feel really known, not so much by Seth but just by heaven. Like God knows exactly what He is doing s me here even if I don't. I can't respond to Seth but will you please tell him how much that meant to me. It was so thoughtful. 

 

That was a sweet experience with your prayer and an love how you said it. It made it easier for me this week to get on my knees 20 times if I needed to asking for the same thing over and over and over. Thank you for that ♡ 

 

I'm glad work keeps you out od the social and busy that way- although it sounds like SO much to balance between work, school, family and Seth! You're amazing! &sweet how Seth could help you ♡ 

 

I cannot believe you can say you miss being a missionary less than a year after serving( it is almost two years since you left sades!! Oct 2nd !!) I hope I will feel like that becuase this is so brutally hard. It is ruining Italy and my mission a little bit, I'm trying so hard not to let it but this past weekend was so horrible. I don't want to come back to this moment/part of my mission EVER! But hearing it from you makes me hopeful because you know a whole lot about hard missions. I'm so grateful for you sadie. Your example, and your support! 

 

thst is crazy about your room mate, it's gonna be you before you know it ;). I'm sorry it is so lonely, the whole situation is weird and not what you had anticipated, just know it is 3 more months and then it will be a more normal college experience... maybe, hopefully! Idrk haha but at least uou will have Seth and I'll be around, cannot wait! 

 

$8.25? Isn't minimum wage $7.25? What was that janitorial job paying? Why did you decide café Rio VS that one? Seems like it is similar times. Do you close by yourself, that sounds kinda scary to me hah. That doesn't surprise me that all your coworkers love you, you've always been the "get after it and work hard" type! 

 

I'm keeping Seth in my prayers! Hopefully he gets feeling better, that does sound so stressful to miss school! I forgot you're going down to provo this weekend! YAY! I can understand why you would be a little nervous, but I bet it only lasts a few minutes of being together. Are yous taying at nates? You'll have fo let me know how it goes! Please be safe driving! 

 

I am SO SO SO excited for general conference! It is a little different here with the time difference. My companion wants to watch it in italian becuase she doesn't understand English as well but then I wouldn't get ad much out if it so I think we may watch it separately, fine by me! 

 

Thank you so much for the email, I know your time is so precious, balancing it between so many different things! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW! I miss you so bad sadie. I just need a hug :') so soon! (5 months isn't very soon but I'm telling myself that it is) have the best week and weekend with Seth, tell him hi for me. Be safe! You're always in my prayers, I love you. 

 

Con tante amore, ( :) ) 

em 

1)

Hey sades 

I just miss talking to you and wanted to give you an update 

I'm doing much better than the disaster I was last time I talked to you, conference helped more than I can say. I've been rereading all of the talks and if just makes me so grateful that HF still speaks to us individually, it felt so perfect for the things things needed ♡ my favorite talk was sorella Johnson about letting God write our stories. There were so many good ones , and finally they asked Brad Wilcox to speak! What was your favorite?

How was Utah?? Mom gave me a little run down when I talked. I hope it was so fun! I bet it was hard to leave but Thanksgiving is right around the corner and fhen it will be a more before you're both in provo! Was it awkward at all w nate and fhe family? 

How was KANE BROWN?? mom sent me pics and videos so I felt like I kinda got to be there for a couple minutes! You looked SO CUTE! with your turtle neck and Jean jacket- trendy! I saved the pictr of you mom and Abe to my phone, if makes me so happy. I wish I could have been there, I miss you guys! 

Let's see, what else... 

Elder Spencer emailed me last week, it has legit been a month and a half haha. I thought for sure he left me on "read" but he apologized for taking so long to get back, he said life got busy. I talked to mama about it and she said to wait a week and fhen respond, idk how I feel about him. But he is in Rexburg now doing the horseshoe school thing ?? Maybe you'll run into him. 

Our teaching pool is empty- we had one progressing lady named Teresa but she has kinda been avoiding us :,( 

Finding here is so weird and I can't really speak so it makes things 2x as hard. President Browning is really stressing technology, he said we should be productive in our apartment 2/3 of the day using Facebook finding and zoom lessons. That makes me so sad, i know technology is an effective resource and a blessing to hastening the work but i feel like uou can't have meaningufl connections and relationships wofh the members w just zoom. Not to mention I lose my sanity cooped up inside all day. It is getting pretty cold here, the car has been a lifesaver, we've been able to have meal appointments now that we can go to their houses! Yay! 

I'm getting anxious for the end of transfer. I'm so ready for a change, but 99% says I stay in Lodi and while I'm ready for a new comp, I'm freaked out w italian. I'm hoping it is the kind of thing where I surprise myself w what I am actually able to do and just haven't been becuaee shecan, becuase my Italian is a serious work in progress. When you left your trainer inEcuador, did uou feel competent w Spanish? Were you scared for your first real transfer in Ecuador? I know it will work out, even if it is rough, but it is scaring me a lot. I knownit prob sounds like the grass is always greener, one week I want to be done w the transfer and the next I'm freaked out for it to

end- hopefully you enderstand what I'm talking about. 

I also realized, I have never been left in the same area w a new companion. I have whitewashed every area except my greenie are in kaneohe. I have never been the companion who knows more about the area and that is daunting. Like I'm expected to know more than i feel like i do. I really feel like demeure has a better relationship with the members because she can speak Italian, like whej people talk to us they don't even look at me. I feel so dumb most of the tjme, bit I can understand way more than i say. It's coming. I hope I can get by w my Italian in 5 months. My goal is to know enough to understand what is going on in the temple temple i go to Rome in March. I can't wait for that! I'm living for the last week of my mission ! 

Okay, enough about me! 

A) how is work? Still pretty brutal? Did you ask for a raise? 

B) did you want BSU or BYU? Let's gooooooo broncos. I say boise, You say state- BOISE... HAHA byu need some serious humble pie after beating Utah! Made me so happy to hear that the won. Who did Seth go for? I heard he went to the Miller tailgate? Fun! 

C) favorite conference talk(s) and why? 

D) anything else you want to tell me, I'm all ears

I know you are SO busy so if you don't have time to respond, don't stress! I just wanted to talk fo you ♡ I love you more than uou know! I hope you are doing well, I'm keeping you i my prayers with with and school amd Seth and everything else! 

Love em 

2)

Em! Please forgive me for taking so long to get back to you. I've had kind of a hard week. I've been pretty sick since Thursday and went and got COVID tested this morning. Luckily it came back negative. Low key I wanted it to be positive just so I could leave Rexburg for a week and go home, even if it screwed me over in school haha. I don't know what's the matter. It's probably my own fault and attitude but I'm just having a hard time. I've never struggled with feeling lonely before. I always tough-talked being too independent for that, but that isn't true. Everyone needs to be loved and have friends and have the chance to do that for those around them too. I miss that about being a missionary. It's such hard work, but it feels so good to spend so much time with and around people looking for ways to bless them. So it's my own fault, but between work and school, and avoiding lots of social situations because of Seth, I get a little lonely. My roommates don't know I'm alive. They're never here. And between work and traveling the past couple weeks, I haven't been to church and I never met my FHE group. I just feel like if I fell off the planet no one would know or care, and that's an empty feeling. I miss you so much. 

I'm also struggling missing Seth. I know you probably don't enjoy hearing about him as much as you put on, but I'm grateful that you listen. I hope you never worry about that, Em. Nobody can ever replace what you are to me, and Seth knows that. Just don't worry. No matter what happens with him and I, you're my sister, and I'm always going to be here for you. As things go forward with him, I just want to be able to talk it through with you without worrying that you feel threatened by him or anything along those lines. I don't know if that relates at all, just wanted to put that out there. You're so important to me. But yeah, I'm struggling a lot being away from him. Like it just doesn't feel right, and it's a heartache I'm tired of living with. Luckily he's coming up to Rexburg over Halloween. I don't think I could've made it to Thanksgiving. He says hello. He always prays for you, on his own, but also by name when we pray together. He loves you, even if that seems weird because you don't know each other. It's strange for arguably the two most important people to me to not know each other. But soon enough you will.:) 

I heard you aren't feeling so sure about school in April? What changed that? Not gonna lie, I was pretty bummed. I know you feel like the spring/summer semesters will feel kind of whack, but I'd just encourage you to keep an open mind. I don't think the best thing for you would be to stay in Meridian until the fall. Of course, that's a decision that only you can make, and I'll honor whatever decision that is, but here's my two cents, even if you didn't ask for it.:) I don't know how many chances we'll have to be roommates and I want to be so bad! Also, you'll regret the social scene, I promise, it's lame over there. And I'd just get on with school if I were you. You never know how much time you'll have before you meet someone, and everything's a reality check after that. It'd be nice if at this point I actually already had some of my education under my belt and some money. Adulting is no joke. What are you thinking about schooling these days? I know part of your desire to not jump into school right away probably partially stems from being homesick, and let me tell you that wears off faster than you'd think.;) Just keep praying about it, I know you'll figure out what's right for you. That's just my vote. And make sure to get mom and dad's counsel on it too. 

Okay on to actually responding to your email:) I loved the conference too. It was special to be with Seth during that. I loved the theme of the whole thing, how powerful! It seemed to me to be a message about being content with small and simple progress. To be patient with ourselves and trust that the Lord can redeem us. It may take time, but that is to be expected. I loved the 1% talk, and Brother Wilcox too, that one was my favorite. Also, of course, President Nelson. My takeaway was that I just need to have more faith in myself and the future. It's so easy to worry. I need to work on that. 

Kane Brown is a hunk. The man just ripped his shirt off, and Abe looked away, and I was like, Abe you're missing it! Haha, I was joking (mostly) just to embarrass her, mama was cracking up. I told Seth haha, now he teases me endlessly. Low key I think he's jealous.;) After that conversation he jokingly flexed and said, well I'll have to keep working out then, if I'm ever going to get that kind of reaction from you. Haha! My ears got red and I told him to knock it off. Now he teases me sometimes about his workouts because he knows it makes me very embarrassed. He's such a tease.:) 

Horseshoe thing haha? You mean he's going to become a farrier? Honestly I wouldn't recognize him if I did see him I don't think. I say bag it, Em. But again, that's your call. If I've learned anything from Seth, it's that it isn't expecting too much for someone to adore you and want to make a constant and consistent effort to prove that they're aware of you. Someone who recognizes how wonderful you are (because you're a crazy catch Em) isn't going to let life get busy and not have time for you because you'll be his life. Also, personally I think you should wait for someone taller haha. 

I'm sorry that the work's been difficult. Just remember to try and internalize that the actual outward success of your missionary efforts isn't the marker. Never has been and never will be. The Lord will suit you to His purposes. But we also know what his purposes are:). I think you've yet to experience some of your greatest mission experiences, Em. It'll come. Pray everyday that He will introduce you to someone seeking to know Him. You'll know. You've always been good about being in tune and loving those that come along. I love that about you. Yay por el carro!!! 

Transfers are going to be so fun! I'm excited for you. It is totally scary though. No, I did NOT feel competent when my trainer left me haha. I felt like my mom was leaving all over again. But hey, time moves on and somehow you survive. You're going to be amazing Em. That transfer I felt the most capable and proud of myself that I felt probably my whole mission. It was awesome. Look forward to it. The nice thing about being the one to stay is that your new comp will automatically look to you, and so you'll get to do it more your way and that's so nice. Pray hard and set yourself up with a game plan, so you know what you want before she gets there, because even if she's senior to you, it's your area, and it'll feel like it. If you're prepared to lead out, you can make it what you want it to be. You'll do amazing. 

I know it's hard not to live for the last week of your mission, but try to turn that into a dying for the last week of your mission vibe if that makes sense. Look forward to that, yes, but expect to be all done by the end, totally spent, having left it all on the court. 

Yes, work still really sucks. But whatever. Seth reminds me that at this point it isn't paying the bills. I know that, but how long do we have till we have to pay bills, and with what money? Finances are so stressful. I need to have more faith that it'll work out. Luckily, he's feeling the pressure too and getting a move on it, he starts an early janitor job this week. I love his initiative. He's not just all bark, his actions show that he means what he says. 

Broncos baby! I was a little too happy to see them put the hammer down on BYU's little streak. Seth and I talked some serious trash haha. BYU started out with a little lead (he loves them) and he got a little overconfident so I made him a bet... I won.;) He really should just listen to me. Yes, he went to the tailgate. Honestly, I was impressed with his confidence, he just showed up. He met the uncles and Grandma, and Grandpa. It sounds like he enjoyed it. He was happy to see dad haha. I think maybe more excited than dad hahaha, but whatever, I love that he isn't afraid to be confident and do what he wants. 

 I'm so hyped for the Warriors and Lakers on Tuesday, I've missed the NBA like crazy. It feels like I'm missing a part of my identity when we aren't in season lol. 

Well, I can't think of anything else right now. Again, I'm sorry to be so late. I love you sis, it's so wonderful to be a part of this work-- thanks for being an inspiration to me! 

Sades 

 

3)

Sades !! 

Don't even worry about it! You are juggling so many plates it's not not funny! I'm happy to hear from you whenever! 

I'm sorry you had a hard week :,( that makes me sad. Being sick makes everything hard, mama kinda told me about it and I was lowkey hoping you could come home and regroup too, I'll for sure keep you in my prayers! 

I don't know how to relate completely to your feelings of loneliness but I can understand how that would be so hard.  I promise I WOULD KNOW if you fell off the planet! Haha and so would so many people, we can't be in Rexburg but there are are many people who think about ya ! I know that helps with nothing but just wanted to make sure you knew ♡ our lives are really different right now that sometimes it feels like comparing apples to oranges but I've struggled with feeling lonely the past couple months too, a different kind becuase I am 24/7 surrounded by people, but no one that cares about me really. It is hard. I miss you too. I miss our bedtime convos and being able to talk fo you about everything- soon! 

I feel bad your freshman experience has been so wack and opposite of what you had planned, comes with pros, like Seth:) but it makes the waiting really hard, I get that. Luckily he worked out Halloween so that means 11 days until you see him, easy money. Then less than a month, and then one more time and done! It is so crazy to hear you talk about how much you love Seth and how it hurts to be separated, like that you feel so strongly about someone is crazy to me. Don't get me wrong, but I def didn't think you'd have a boyfriend for at least a year after getting home.(&prob neither did you!) But here we are haha. I'm happy for you! I wish I could meet him, it has been hard to not be there, makes me feel like a bad sister, I can't be the support I wish I could. I think about and pray about it a lot but I am missing some big things esp if he ends up being the one. It makes me really sad if I stop and think about it too much. It is what it is, just don't get engaged without me there. It is cute he prays for me by name, that seriously means so much much me, I pray for him to sometimes, more for bofh of you but he is included:). I wish I knew him, I bet I will love him if you do so much! 

That is funny about bsu byu, even when I go to school in provo I will still root boise when they play, Idaho at heart. I was super impressed Seth went to the tailgate, confident! I like it! 

Please don't think I don't love hearing about Seth, it is the small glimpse I get into your life and it means so much to me that you let me in and are so open about it,  makes being a continent away from my favorite people more bearable. I'm your biggest fan (second to mama) and want to hear anything you want or need to say! 

Also, you hit the nail on the head with the whole feeling replaced thing and it gave me a lot od peace for you to recognize it and reassure me that way. Sometimes I don't like Seth or feel resentment towards him because I feel like he is changing the time I was supposed fo have with you when I got home. I know that is selfish but I haven't made peace wifh fhe fact that things won't really ever go back to the way they were before we served. Obviously, but I kinda wish they could be. It reminds me of that quote odd od barbie island princess when Tika gets jealous and barbie reminds her that your heart just gets bigger hah, do you know what ik talking about? 

About school in April, UGH IDK! I keep going back and forth and everyfime I ask someone if changes, dad says go, you say go, mom says maybe stay, I talked to a girl that did spring term and she said don't do it, it is lame social scene and not the best freshman experience, so idk. It is so frustrating to me. I keep hearing, pray about it and you'll know " but I've never received an answer like that and I don't known how to recognize it. I feel like the whole (if you don't get an answer it means God trusts you to decide either way) is a cop out a little, I don't know what to do. If I decide to so spring term, I would need to register before the registration opens on March 1st wich means I would have to do it while being in Italy and that is stressful, the whole college thing feels really foreign, like i don't even know where to start. I recognize that it would prob be our only time to room, and I want that SO BAD ! But the realistic part of me reminds me that you'll have Seth in provo, as much fun as if would be to be roommates let's be real, if you and Seth are still dating by may, there's going to be a ring right around the corner (AHHHHHHHH) and I don't want to be an awkward 3rd wheel or tie you down, it just sounds a little complicated, prettier on paper kinda, idk. I want want be roommates again so bad! 

Adulting sounds so lame. I get anxiety thinking about it. I wish I could go back to high school where my only worry was finals. Life was so good, so easy. I guess that is like being a missioandh, no real problems, although this is the hardest thing I have ever done hands down! I'm I'm work is lame ! But it pays so oh well, and a good diversion from social scenes yeah? I love that about Seth too from what I've hear, he sounds like a hard worker! +1 for Seth:). 

As far as what I'm thinking for school, another thing i have no idea on. I really think something medical would be so cool bit I'm a girl, being a mom is important to me and the medical route doest really leave a ton od room for being a mom. And a lot fo schooling, idk. Cosmetology is still in my back pocket, I really love that stuff, if pays really well and is extra flexible, I just know it wouldn't be fulfilling which makes me kinda sad. I want to be a mom but that isn't my only goal,  being a stay at home mom doesn't sound super appealing to me, I know I should change my attitude but eh! What about you, still marketing? 

I 110% agree about waiting for someone taller haha. I hate feeling like I'm the only one who cares, like having to play a little game wkfj him, or feeling embarrassed for effort, granted we are totally just friends and the emails are totally missioandh emails but apparently he told Lamprey before he left Hawaii thsf he wants to see where things go when I gethome, who knows what that means, he isn't doing a very good job in getting there if thst is what he wants. I really want to find what Seth is to you and honestly ( I know this is stupid) I feel pressure to find him so fast becuase you did. I feel a lot of pressure sometimes being your little sister, because you do everything so flawlessly haha. I know we are different people and comparison is fbe their of joy... isk, I feel like that about ifalian too. You were only in Ecuador for 6 months and now fluent in Spanish and I will be here for 7 and prob not be very good with jflaian, it has been a real struggle for me, I'm not as capable as I thought I would be. I know that is stupid but there it is. Pros and cons to having a practically perfect big sister

My week was okay. We found a new friend to start teaching named Adriana! She is seriously so cute , she is from Poland and speaks ENGLISH! Hallelujah! So I'm prayerful about her and hopefully we can help her come closer to christ. We have another appointment with her on Sunday and she is going to give us makeovers (don't worry, I'm bringing and using my own makeup) but she loves that stuff, so the restoration amd makeup haha! I'm excited! 

I made some poppyseed muffins and enchiladas this week and am pretty proud of my efforts in the kitchen. 

I don't have much else to report- I'm counting down to Christmas! Transfers are this week and demeure is 99% sure leaving and it is stressing me out! But I need the change at the same time, one day at a time

I got an email on Monday saying that Kuuipo ( a lady I found &taught in kaneohe& hon west) is getting baptized Nov. 6th. I am so happy for her and proud of her (I'll attach a picture) but I completely broke down when I read the email. I WANT TO GO BAXK FO HAWAII. sades, hate it here. I'm trying so hard to be all in and fo be positive and fo find the joy and all of the things you 2 transfers in and I still just long to go back to my island. I miss the missioandsz, I miss fhs people, I miss English, I miss being bold and being a missionary... I've heard all of the things: *you'll love Italy as much as Hawaii when this is over * be more grateful and look outward and you'll be happier *the grass is always greener *God doesn't need you in Hawaii anymore *you would have been sad never fo come to italy... they are all so well intended and they're true, but they hurt ehen I'm in the middle of it. I have cried myself to sleep every night for the past 2 weeks just wanting to be back. I made a difference there. 

Sorry for my dump, I'm just really struggling eith it and it anyone would understand it would be you. I'll be the first to admit I'm not giving Italy a fair shot, I resent it a little for taking me away from Hawaii and for being so hard, soem weeks here have felt like hell, this is the hardest thing ever and I I'm just so ready to be done. I don't want to do another transfer let alone 3, I know want to adjust to a new companion and my italian suxks! I know I need a serious ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT- I just am struggling to be here. How did you Powe through Mesa when all od uou wanted wanted be in Ecuador? I feel like unintentionally it is stopping me from loving my companion the members, and the Italian people the way I need to ?? 

Anyway, sorry! And sorry for my straight novel! I know there are so many typos, I get excited and fiesty typing this ! 

I hope this week is better for you! Praying you get feeling better so soon! No pressure to respond to this anytime soon! I just needed fo talk to you:). I miss you so much and love uou more. 

LOVE EMMA

 

 

 

 

1/5/2022

Hi Em, 

Wow, what a week it's been since I last talked to you. It's been crazy. Seth and I drove down here to Provo on Saturday the first, that drive was so fun and went by so fast! Getting into my apartment was a total disaster... around December 20th they emailed me to say that their office would be closed for New Years, so if I was arriving on the first I needed to notify them so I could get a door code. They said they would send it to me on the 31st. Long story short, I never got a code. So I had the whole car chock full Saturday with no way to get into my apartment and no one was home. So frustrating. It was sweet though, Seth took me on a spontaneous dinner date. I love him so much! So I stayed at his place till late, but no one had responded yet so I had to go spend the night at Nate's, which wasn't a big deal because they weren't in town, but still, super annoying, I didn't pack an overnight bag or anything. Then I got up pretty early and went with Seth to church at 9. Already everything about BYU has been more enjoyable for me than BYUI. Except maybe the housing haha. After church one of my roommates found my gum wrapper note and I was able to go move in. Seth hung out while I unpacked, and then we walked all my classes, which was super fun and very helpful so I was ready to go Monday morning. Seth started his new CnC operator job, which just means that he mans a giant machine that cuts out wood pieces for furniture. Luckily he loves it, because he wakes up at 3:30. So he was going to take my car to work Mon morning, and so late Sunday night after I'd already gotten back to my apt and finished unpacking, I went out to the car to leave him a note for work in the morning. My car had been booted!! What?! I was SO mad. So I had to call him and wake him up because he had to find a ride to work. Grr.. Then when I woke up I went straight to class, and when I met up with Seth he told me he had checked on the car and it was gone, they towed it. That really set me off. So after class I had to go into the manager's office and have a pretty stressful confrontation because having a car towed and booted is hundreds of dollars and I can't afford that. It all worked out and they released my car and Seth's roommate took us to go get it. So it was a pretty rough start, but I lived. 

My roommates are so great, they're all sophomores, but born in 2001, 2002. They aren't home a ton, and when they are they like to be altogether, the three of them are really good friends. They have lived in this apt since the summer, just the three of them. I'm kind of the party pooper engaged roommate haha who goes to bed early and does hw with Seth, but it's okay, seasons for everything right? Mine's just changing. 

My classes are cool, but at 16 credits I'm really going to be running myself through the ringer. I have American Heritage (boring), Physcology of Science (I think will be pretty interesting), Chemistry (I think this will be my hardest, I have it with Seth, and the professor is incredibly annoying), Nutrition (I'm the most excited about this class and the professor is my favorite), World Religions (this should be interesting, the pro. wore pink pants and a bowtie), and Book of Mormon (the pro. is a different duck but it's interesting, he's a philosophy major, so that tells you). 

I just interviewed this morning for my early morning custodial job in the chemistry building. It's a 4am wake up yikes haha. Oh well. I should start that this week or next. Pray for me haha. 

It's so wonderful to be here with Seth, it's fun to see him in between things just to say hi or to study together in the library. We usually go to one of our apartments after school and study until dinnertime and then make dinner together, which is my favorite part. I wish you were down here too. I can't wait for that in the fall. 

I hope you're doing well, I've been keeping Francesco (sp?) in mind, I hope that's still progressing. I hope you're feeling happy. I love you, you are so wonderful Sorella! 

Love, 

Sades 

 

 

 

 

Hey sis, it's your last week as a missionary. That's crazy. And probably feels overwhelming in so many ways. I hope you don't let it stress you out though. Just remember that seven days isn't going to change the picture of your mission, so don't feel like you have to go overboard or be more perfect than ever before. Just breathe and make the most of this time. Not to say don't finish strong, do, just don't stress yourself out:) Love hard and pray often. It's a special time. I'm so proud of you, and everyone else too. Most especially your Heavenly Father is proud. Make sure you remember well how knowing that in this moment feels. I think I never felt so clearly Heavenly Father's approval like I did when I accomplished my mission, and I like to remember it sometimes. 

I saw your post and heard about Viviane's baptism! Congrats to her and happy for you! That's so neat, and what a blessing! I heard you played the piano like five hundred times; you better get it. ;) 

What's new with me: I'm so over school right now haha... but we still have a little ways to go. I don't remember if I told you, I bombed some midterms. *eye roll*. Specifically, Chemistry and Psychology of Science. I expected the Chem one, but the Psych one floored me. So I talked to the TA and she went in and checked my test (which I took in the proctored testing center) and saw that I got an F and it was because I only answered 50 out of 75 questions?? So turns out my stupid packet was missing the last three pages of the test. So that was really stressful, and I had to go set a time to talk to my professor about it (who has got to hate me right now haha cause he's the one I appealed to his department head because he wouldn't let me take the final) and then make an appointment to go be monitored to take the rest of it. And I was super stressed out and had studied for the test over a week and half earlier so it's been crazy. I ended up getting a B which I'm fine with. Classes here are so much harder than BYUI. Mostly just my sciences classes. I've been considering changing my major again for lots of reasons, and I'll have to talk you through them next week when you come home. Wow, that's crazy. 

Seth is doing great, he got asked to be on this "March Madness" basketball tournament team sponsored by some apartment complexes. The team is Co-ed, but I can't play because I don't live at any of those apartments. Kind of dumb, but whatever. We went on Saturday with a basketball to the gym (first time I've ever done that) and started shooting around, and then these random guys asked us to play, so we played 4v4 for like two hours. That was two days ago and I am still soooo sore. Kayli (Seth's older sister) and I were the only girls, but we held our own actually. I had one three;) and some other sweet moves haha. I was proud of myself, I could play. Seth took them to school, he's actually really really good. So, they play every Thursday night for the next couple of weeks. He even got some shoes for it, he's so excited and so cute haha. Hmmm. what else? 

That one lady that was going to do my hair didn't have any appointments, so that's too bad, and I'm looking for someone else. I decided I'm going to just grow out and paint my own nails, you'll have to help me with that idea. 

Oh, I've been vegetarian for a week now. I'm going for two weeks for a project for my nutrition class. Seth is sorta too haha, he eats two meat sandwiches every day for lunch, but he's been supportive of my vegetarian dinners;) He keeps asking though, "Sadie, you're not sticking with this vegetarian thing, right?" I have to keep reassuring him haha. I haven't been able to tell a difference really to be honest, but it's definitely cheaper and cleaner and makes life a bit more interesting. 

My life's kinda just busy humdrum right now, trying to survive. Emma, I get married in 45 days!!!!!! WHAT?!?!? So crazy. I just can't wait to see you next weekend. I think about it all the time. 

Not really sure where to go with this email, I wanted to be able to help a little with the pressure of this last week, I want it to be so wonderful for you. So, I thought I'd just share the things that almost a year in retrospect (holy smokes batman) that have blessed my life from serving a mission and I know will bless yours: 

• You will always be grateful for the way this experience has broadened your horizons: food, cultures, peoples, places. You've had the experience of a lifetime! It will make you such a well-rounded person who is appreciative of other walks and ways of life. 

• You know how to put the Lord first. Literally, first thing in the morning. If you can stick with anything, Em, stick to that. I've been on and off of that in this first year back, but I've always been at my best when I am "early to bed, early to rise" and I go to His feet first thing in the morning through prayer, scriptures, talks, or whatever. These habits that you've learned have strengthened your testimony probably more than you have realized but will come to appreciate when your environment changes and life gets hard. 

• Goal-digger. On the same wavelength as being up in the morning, just don't forget about goals. They make life full. Not just the goals that are like I want to graduate in x, or I want to be better at y, but goals that are for today and tomorrow, and for seven days at a time. Then 4 weeks, then 3 months. Just in chunks. So, you're always measuring, evaluating, re-evaluating, and working towards something that makes you excited to challenge yourself and be better. I'm grateful for learning as a missionary how to write down and make good plans for my goals. It keeps my life motivating and moving forward. 

• You will always feel comfy in your church clothes now. Let's go. 

• You know what's important and what isn't. So much isn't. Sometimes I still catch myself and have to remind myself that some things don't matter and if I spend too much thought or energy on those things, I'm not happy, even if I think I will be with that thing. Keep those filters clear and running. 

• Boys. Lol this is true though. My mission taught me how to interact with guys in a fun, friendly, respectful, productive, and non-intimidating way that really prepped me for dating. (The very little dating I had haha.) I just want to tell you once again, that Seth is such a direct blessing of my mission. I also want to reiterate that there's no rush for that, and I know I'm not the best example of that, but I think the principles are so important. And that's definitely the next big concern in this new phase of life, and I just don't want you to worry. I guess sometimes I worry about it, I just want you do get all that you deserve because you, Emma, deserve basically a rock-solid supermodel. Just wait for him, I promise he's coming, and he'll find you, and it'll catch you by surprise how he's just there one day and you just found your person. But don't rush or worry and take advantage of all the cool social skills you've learned interacting with both genders in such a fun wholesome way. 

• A language. You may not feel that you're an Italiana. But you are! Be confident! The difference between one who can and one who can't is that one believes they can. Even if there isn't a whole herd of Italians running around, this gift you've developed is valued by the Lord, and He WILL use it to suit His purposes, so don't be discouraged and find ways to keep it up. You're so awesome. 

• You know how to do HARD. Like really stupid hard. That's such a blessing Em, and you might appreciate it now, but that appreciation continues to grow exponentially. I am so grateful for that. It's helped me realize that a big part of life is just toughing through the hard things and finding "joy in the journey". No one learns that like a missionary. 

I could go for a long time, but I have to go to class. I could honestly talk forever about this, it's the greatest blessing of my life so far, right after Seth. I think that's cool, life it just going to get better and better and better. So yes, it's bittersweet, but it's time and its right and you're going to do it, "wonderfully well". You've got this, and I'm here for you however you need me. I am so proud of you Sorella. "Well done thou good and faithful servant". I almost forgot, He asked me to pass that message on to you:) 

I've been looking forward to this hug for a long time. You better come running. 

 

I love you like crazy 

Sadie

Dear Emma, 

Merry Christmas! I hope this season has been great for you. I am going to miss you, but I can’t wait for you to come back next year. How are you doing? Lainey and I have a basketball camp on the 20th and 21st. We have got pretty good, and we will try to destroy for you. (Just like pig in the gym) 

Speaking of sports, do Italian kids have fun games they play? I bet they don’t play pool and all things cool, haha. I can’t wait to play you. 

Are you and your companions doing any thing fun for Christmas? Seth and Sadie are coming for Christmas too. I am so excited to get out of school and have break with the family, but I will be thinking about you all season long. 

Emma, you are such an amazing example to me and the family. I can not wait until my mission because you have made me so excited for it. The savior would be so proud of you. I hope you have an amazing Christmas season in Italy! 

Love, Your favorite brown eyed brother -Graham